Overcoming Mental Illness

Every passing day sees my mood dip further and further into this pit of depression.

It enrages me that people can believe depression is merely a state of mind when so many people in the world are suffering intense pain on a daily basis. There’s no specific reason for my falling into the pit at the moment; my life’s as shit now as it was several months ago, but at least several months ago I was surfing along the wave of mania, and however scary that may be, at least it was a little more “fun” than this disparing bleakness.

There’s nothing good or exciting about my life at the moment. I wake up from a restless night, potter around with the blog (trying desperately to find the creativity and drive I had when I first started writing it), eat only ’cause I should (as I can barely remember the last time I felt hungry or enjoyed a meal), exercise, potter around, feel shit and then at some indiscriminate point in the early hours try to sleep only (as now) for it to be unsuccessful so I end up lying awake at five in the morning trying (as always) being attacked by small mozzie flies trying to escape the storm outside.

The weather always seems to reflect the mood.

I miss excitement, fun, passion and smiling. There is so much in life that I love and cherish, so much which does excite me but what people just don’t seem to understand is that this illness works against that excitement; it makes it virtually impossible to enjoy anything.

[Oh Yay! now Melbourne's on the news - that's gonna help the mood isn't it - remind me of somewhere I was blissfully happy once!]

Anyhoos, today is my “day out”! I get one a fortnight (due to money) so will be heading into the big bad city; got some personal business to attend to, musty bookshops to explore and perchance a cinema outing - and I can’t even remember the last time I went to the cinema!