Overcoming Mental Illness

One of the hardest things about suffering from mental illness is the damage that it can do to the relationships in your life. Family, lovers and friends are all dramatically affected in learning that you suffer from a mental illness. The stigmas surrounding mental illness can be so powerful that friendships which were once strong and ever-lasting will become nothing more than a fleeting memory in the sands of time.

So it is always wonderful to come across initiatives which are dedicated to educating and supporting friends of those suffering from mental illness. Understanding what your friend is going through it key to understanding how you can help and support them towards recovery.

About the “What a Difference a Friend Makes” Initiative

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) launched the Mental Health Campaign for Mental Health Recovery to encourage, educate, and inspire people between 18 and 25 to support their friends who are experiencing mental health problems. The prevalence of serious mental health conditions in this age group is almost double that of the general population, yet young people have the lowest rate of help-seeking behaviors. This group has a high potential to minimize future disability if social acceptance is broadened and they receive the right support and services early on.

The opportunity for recovery is more likely in a society of acceptance, and this initiative is meant to inspire young people to serve as the mental health vanguard, motivating a societal change toward acceptance and decreasing the negative attitudes that surround mental illness. Mental health recovery is a journey of healing and transformation, enabling a person with a mental health problem to live a meaningful life in a community of his or her choice while striving to achieve his or her full potential.

Our work is important. Discrimination and stigma have made it harder and harder for people with mental illnesses to keep a job, find a home, get health insurance, and find treatment.

This is a wonderful website and well worth a visit. Friendships, like any relationship, require time, effort and commitment.

Understand your friend’s problems and help them recover - in the long run, it’ll be worth it for both of you.

Visit the WHAT A DIFFERENCE A FRIEND MAKES initiative…

A recent comment on my post regarding Emotional Abuse had me delving into my old blog to pluck this list of resources and information from the internet ether.

This list was originally posted on my Blogspot blog on 13 December 2007 but as all information regarding emotional abuse is needed and warranted it is worth reposting here.

There are a lot of people out there who are either in, or think they are in an abusive relationship. It took me months and several hours spent in the Adelaide public library to work out that I had been the victim of emotional abuse.

Collected here are some resources and articles which you could use to better understand your situation and ways you can deal with it.

Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support I

(A lot of these articles have been written from the POV of abusive man/victimised woman which I find a little frustrating, as more needs to be done to bring the “abused man” into the spotlight - but if you are an emotionally abused man just swap the s/he’s around and you’ll be fine)

Articles of Interest…

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery
By Patricia Evans
An article which summarises a book on emotional abuse, very informative with insight from victims of abuse.

Emotional Abusers
By Natalie P.
An excellent “rant” on emotional abuse that made me laugh, made me angry and made me cry. It was like reading about my previous relationship (if you swap the he’s and the she’s!)

The Guilt of the Abused
By Sam Vaknin
An article about the how the abused often feel guilty or blame themselves for what is being done to them.

Emotional Abuse
By Steve Hein
An excellent resource of emotional abuse information, written predominantly from the perspective of abused teenagers/children from their parents but the information is equally relevant for the abuse in adult sexual/friend/work relationships.

Verbal Abuse
By Kerby Anderson
An article which includes a religious/biblical reflection on emotional abuse.

Responding to Emotional Abuse: How you can help someone you know
Includes some excellent information on how to help and support someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Facebook Groups…
These two Facebook groups offer information and support to victims of emotional abuse.
You will need a Facebook ID to access these groups.

STOP Emotional Abuse
Stop Psychological Abuse!!!

Recommended Reading…
Some books which deal with emotional abuse.

- Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse [Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray]
- Trauma and Recovery [J L Herman]
- Emotional Abuse: The Trauma and the Treatment [Marti Tamm Loring]
- Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse the Erosion of Identity [Marie-France Hirigoyen]

Then on 17 December 2007 a second follow up post appeared:

Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support II

It’s not that I’m obsessed or anything, but I’m really struggling to overcome the emotional abuse I suffered so have been spending as much time as I can afford trying to find new information and coping strategies to recover.So here are some excellent sites/blogs I have discovered regarding emotional and/or other abuse:Sanctuary for the Abused
A blog containing articles, links and support for survivors of verbal, emotional, online and psychological abuse. LOTS of information here I’ve only touched the surface of what they have to offer, but so far it is excellent, and come highly recommended.Abused No More
Emotional abuse recovery Coach Annie Kaszina enables women to understand and heal swiftly from the trauma of an abusive relationship.

And a couple more articles:

From the Abuser’s Point of View
An interesting insight of abuse as told from what the abuser may be feeling. Once again, the abuser is painted as a man; although in a lot of cases the abuser is male, it would be nice to occasionally find a sight which discusses the man as “victim” rather than “perpetrator”.

Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator
Another great article on eight ways in which someone will act if they are emotionally abusive or have the potential to be emotionally abusive.

Effects of Emotional Abuse
A nice article on what the longer term effects of emotional abuse could be if not dealt with in any way.

And with that I think I’ll leave my emotional abuse series for a while. It’s opened up a lot of scars I had forgotten about and I need to work on finding ways to overcome these issues, but with everything will keep you posted on my progress/lack of progress.

To all who are trying to overcome and understand emotional abuse, either as a victim or abuser, I shall give you a hug and wish you the best of luck.

Read
Emotional Abuse: Words are Just as Powerful as the Fist

Welcome one and all to the Carnival of Mental Illness, so let’s wait not a minute longer…

—–ISSUE V—–

Articles and Discussion

Deb Serani presents
Chemical Signature of Bipolar Disorder posted at Dr.Deb
This post looks at the chemical signature of Bipolar disorder, and how mental illness is often neurobiological in origin. 

Isabella Mori presents
An Interview with writer Laurie R. King posted at change therapy
An interview with the mystery/thriller writer whose characters are often dealing with mental health problems.

Doc presents
Depression: A disordered mind, body and soul posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Romeo Vitelli presents
Saving Ezra Pound posted at Providentia

Jose DeJesus MD presents
Physician Rating System Supported by Governer Cuomo posted at Physician Entrepreneur

Shaheen Lakhan presents
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part I
and
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part II
posted at GNIF Brain Blogger 

Personal Stories

Doc presents
Depression: My Story posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Society Stigma

Peter Jones presents
Alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder: New Book posted at Great New Books

Shaheen Lakhan presents
Brain Damage: In the Clinical Dark Ages posted at GNIF Brain Blogger

The Suicide Taboo

Carole Gold presents
A Message for the Children posted at McKay Today

and my own personal favorite this month

Therapy Doc presents
Choosing a Therapy Doc, or is that a Dodo bird? posted at Everyone Needs Therapy

—–

The sixth edition will be released on:
26th March 2008.

Submission Deadline:
25th March 2008.

SUBMIT ARTICLE ¤ BLOG CARNIVAL HOME ¤ CONTACT ME

—1—
Strip naked (yep, get it ALL off!)
Go stand in front of a full length mirror.
Now, instead of focusing on all those moles, hair patches and love handles…
…concentrate on all the drop dead gorgeous things about yourself.
Yep, it’s bloody hard, but you can do it!
Try three things to start with.
Say them out loud to yourself - and mean it! Things like:
“Addy - my god - you have the cutest smile you’ve ever seen!”
“Look at those nipples, they’re damned awesome, how could anyone not like those?”
“And good god, look at that adorably spankable ass? Absolutely mind blowing,”
See, you’re starting to see yourself differently already…
…now do this everyday, every-single-day!
Adding one more thing each time.
Within a few weeks there’ll be nothing left you don’t love.
—————

REMEMBER YOURSELF WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL SERIOUSLY
AREN’T YOU JUST SO MUCH MORE FANTABULOUS NOW?

—3—
Single?
Lonely?
Sick of all those couples pashing, snogging and fondling in the street?
Beat them at their own game.
Go on a date with the person you love - YOU!
Cook your favourite meal (or order take-away), light some candles, throw on your favourite movie.
It sounds silly…
…but enjoy it…this is you time…anyway…
…the fun parts still to come!
What do all those sickening couples do at the end of their dates?
Yep!
So get nekkid!
And get that butt to the bedroom for some naughty fun and games!
It’s purrfectly natural.
So don’t go feeling all guilty about it.
Remember his is ‘you’ time - so love yourself in every way that you want to.
Your mind and body will adore you for it!
—————

—4—
It’s dead easy to beat yourself up about being wrong.
We’ve all been there.
Sitting there alone, bemoaning to ourselves about all our mistakes…
…whilst spanking our inner moppet for all those silly things we’ve cocked up.
Stop.
It’ll take time, but start catching yourself doing things right.
Instead of smacking yourself for messing up…
…hug yourself for doing something awesome.
You didn’t burn the cheese sandwich this time? HHHUUUUGGGGGG :)
Yay! You’ve remembered to take the garbage out! HHUUUGGGG:)
Bugger…forgot to sign the report…but hey, it was a damn well written report. HUUGGG :)
Get the idea?
—————

LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

—5—
If S.A.D is making you feel crappy what can you do?
(those not in the know - S.A.D is this case being Social Anxiety Disorder)
Talking is so hard isn’t it?
I know.
Been there.
Done that.
Always coming up with that awesome story or wit-tastic one liner about three days too late. Well, there are things you can do…
Start small!
Don’t aim for that big conversation first time out. Build up to it and you’ll be feeling so much more positive about yourself in no time. So to prepare yourself for that potential panic attack at the big night out with your mates on Friday, start earlier in the week.
a) On Monday, ask a stranger for the time.
b) On Tuesday, ask a shop-keeper about the weather. It’s a cheesy way to start but a small conversation will follow.
c) On Wednesday, do both Monday & Tuesday’s things for practice
d) On Thursday we need to up the anti - try start a conversation with a complete stranger. Make it about something you like so as not to throw yourself into the deep end.
e) On Friday, have your absolute favourite food for lunch. You want to feel really positive for that big night out - no chickening out now with excuses about being sck just ’cause you don’t want a panic attack in front of everyone.
And then by the time you hit the pub with your mates you’ve got several spontanious conversations with complete strangers under your belt.
YOU’RE AWESOME!
So starting a conversation with people who actually know you should be much easier,
Take your time until you’re comfortable,
Then start a conversation with the person you are most comfortable with.
This will ripple on to bring someone else in.
And another.
Soon, everyone there will be chatting because of you.
How awesome is that!
No panic attack.
So then all you need to do is try and have a fantabulous evening…because next week, you’re gonna do it all over agian - upping the anti each time. By the end of the year you’ll be feeling so much better about yourself.
:)

More ideas will be posted soon…so keep loving yourself until then…you are awesome :-)

Did you know that approximately 70% of people who commit suicide actually tell someone about their plans before hand?

The problem is they do so in such a way that you may not realise what they are planning to do.

So how do they do it? Do they invite you out for tea and lamingtons and casually drop a “oh, by the way, I’m going to be jumping from the West Gate Bridge on Sunday. Just wanted to let you know you’ve been awesome, but, yeah. See ya,”

Nope, they do it in far more devious ways than that.

What I’ve missed out of the posts I’ve written about suicide so far are the signals - some subconscious, some conscious - that people who are planning to kill themselves use to tell people they are going to commit suicide. Now, this list isn’t hardened proof, because sometimes people just suddenly do it. However, for those with a plan I would pretty much say that they would give off at least one of them.

Signs and signals someone may be about to commit suicide.

1. Talking about dying
This one’s a pretty big one. Now we’ve all probably talked about wanting to die at some point, often out of exasperation, but if someone is suffering from depression and they start talking about dying - death, disappearing, wanting to die, not wanting to go on any longer - those alarm bells should start tingling a little. On every single occasion I attempted suicide I did this.
2. Recent Loss
Another biggie which can push someone to suicide, especially if they are depressed. A sudden loss of something important - death of family member/friend, relationship breakup, loss of job, money, divorce etc. If someone has just suffered a loss, and is talking about wanting to die, those alarm bells should go up a notch. Even the loss of something along the lines of confidence, self-esteem or a loss of religious faith can be indicative of what may happen.
3. Extravagant spending/Giving away important personal possessions
So you’re friend is depressed, they’ve just suffered a loss of some kind and they’ve talked about death…now they’ve started spending it up and giving things away. WHOAH! This is a huge signal! They are giving things away which are of important sentimental value because they will not have any further use for them! They’re spending because they will not have any further use for their money! This person is REALLY trying to tell you something.
4. No Hope for the Future
Do I need to explain this one? If someone has just suffered a loss, is depressed, talking about dying, giving away all their lovely hard earned things and in addition express without question that there is no hope for a future - or that they cannot see anything good happening in their future - this is them pretty much taking you out for tea and lamingtons and telling you they’re about to jump off the Golden Gate bridge. Alarm bells should now have become a plank of wood giving you are short sharp WHACK on the arse to wake you up!

In my opinion, if someone is doing the above 4 they are asking you to help them in the ONLY way they know how to ask. If they’re also doing some of the following, they definitely are!

5. Previous suicide attempts
6. Making Wills
7. Loss of interest in life: activities, events, things they previously enjoyed.
8. Excessive abuse of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes.
9. Visiting/Contacting old friends or family member. Also, resolving of any unfinished business which they want to resolve.

and

10. They - after being depressed - suddenly, without warning, become “happy”
This is because they are at peace with their decision. They know what they’re going to do, and finally, after however long suffering, they are going to get the peace they deserve. This one is dangerous because it may make you think they are “better” and no longer at risk. Whereas the truth is, it’s probably the biggest signal of them all - especially for someone who has been going through a lengthy period of depression.

[NOTE on the above list: this is NOT conclusive! Please do not read as gospel, someone planning suicide may do all of them, or none of them. If they have a history of previous suicide attempts, any appearance of these signals should arose deeper concern.]

Now the thing is what do you do?

Some suggestions…from my own experiences, the only thing I can suggest is this: ask them!

“Do you sometimes feel so bad you think about suicide?”
or
“Have you ever thought about taking your own life?”

Don’t be afraid to use the word suicide. And most importantly LISTEN to them. The simple fact that you are asking them, means you are concerned about them, which indicates to them you care about them. You are taking them seriously, and that’s important because if anyone ever mentions suicide you have to TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! Always, without fail, take it seriously.

Speak to them about how they’re feeling, try not to judge or mock them. I think also, which would be hard, but try not to show disapproval of what they are planning.

Once the conversation is under way it is important to ascertain how urgent the situation is. Ask them questions along the lines of:

• “Do you have a plan?”
• “Have you thought about how you’d do it?”
• “Have you attempted suicide before?”

This way you will have some idea of how dangerous the situation is, so don’t underestimate the problem. And please, ask HOW and WHEN long before you ask WHY. It is vital to determine how close they are to committing suicide before you help deal with the reasons for it. These can be dealt with after the situation has passed it’s ‘critical’ point.

What you could do depending on the urgency of the situation, is to form a verbal contract with them. If you think they are going to be committing suicide in the near-future, ask them to call you before they go through with their suicidal feelings.

Finally, really the only thing to do once you have talked about it, is to seek help.

Contact a suicide crisis helpline.

Suicide is one of the touchiest subjects there is. No-one is comfortable talking about it, it’s a highly charged emotional minefield. It is however important to talk about it, because it’s only by talking that understanding, help and support can be offered.

If you are worried that someone you know may be planning on committing suicide, remember:

• Don’t be afraid to talk about it.
• Don’t be afraid of seeking help.

It is better to act on your suspicions, because by not trying to help, frankly, you may lose them forever.

Let’s try slap this blog back onto track shall we. It’s been a rough few weeks, at the end (or is that the middle of) a rough twelve months…we shall see…and to begin let us commence with round 3 of the Starter for Ten quiz.

In the Starter for Ten series I attempt to answer any of the questions which have been thrown at me by my wonderful readers with the same honesty and bizarreness I try to inject into each of my entries.  

If you’re just joining us now you can review round one here and round two here, back on the old blog.

So, finger on the buzzers (even though I’m the only contestant) and let’s begin.

—–

1. Why dont you add “and all I ever will be” to the title?

I did actually kinda answer this with this post, in a roundabout incredibly depressing way!

However, I never considered adding this line to the title of the blog, partly because I hope that I will (at some point in the future) not suffer from the mental health conditions I have. Or in other words be able to control them enough to live as normal a life as possible. Or in other words, I hope that what I am now will not be all that I will ever be.

I also didn’t add this line to the title of the blog because the song which inspired it doesn’t have this line as part of the lyric - and I didn’t want to mess with contemporary song perfection :p

2.  I’m sure my partner has bipolar disorder. Will it ever go away even after taking medication?

I would absolutely 100% in every way love to answer this with a resounding YES!

However, I can’t.

From all of the research I’ve conducted since being diagnosed bipolar, it’s not cureable. It will be there in the background throughout my entire life and will never truly “go away”. Medication helps to control the symptoms/mood swings which are so difficult to deal with, but unfortunately they won’t erase the illness in the way that one can overcome the flu or glandular fever.

I also wished to make a note of something which comes to mind having read the way your question is framed. Bipolar is something which really should be diagnosed by a medical professional so if you believe your partner has bipolar it is best to speak to your GP and/or local mental health team in order to obtain the diagnosis, help and support which your partner (and yourself) will need in order to help control the condition.

3. How is it that you are so witty yet find yourself without friends? Do you make friends easily on the net because there’s a buffer or safety zone in the anonymity?

Witty? Up until now I can’t actually recall anyone ever having used this word to describe me. Not quite sure what to say now - you could however toast marshmallows from the warmth radiating from my blushing cheeks, so that’s something I guess, if you like marshmallows - or even just the thought of blushing cheeks.

I’ve never really understood why I don’t make friends easily. Granted the social anxiety doesn’t make it easy for me to start conversations, either in person or on the net, so that’s probably one rather obvious answer - but given the fact I do have a rather intimate understanding of who I am and that I consider myself to be a rather decent person you would have thought I’d have more friends than the resounding -zero- that I currently have.

Throughout this last year I have put a lot of time into thinking about friendship and the impact depression/mental illness has on it. Building, maintaining and growing friendships is hard enough as it is - let alone without the added burden of mental illness causing all sorts of dilemmas and issues. As is fairly obvious with this blog I miss my friends and the relationships I once had and the continuing downward spiral I’ve been in has only added to the difficulty in making new friends and ongoing relationships. I guess it’s not going to happen until  I have these illnesses under control. 

Even the safety zone/buffer you talk about in regards to internet friends is difficult for me to overcome at the moment, the social anxiety impacts on my life here as well and I frequently dissect and choose not to send some emails and messages I plan on sending because of the possible humiliation which may come from doing so. This can sometimes make chatrooms and emailing very difficult - yet another aspect of social anxiety which is often overlooked by the general public.

So I guess despite this attempt at an answer it’s not a very good one, I wish I knew why I didn’t have friends and why I find it so hard to make them, but I guess I don’t quite yet know…maybe one day.

[digg=http://digg.com/health/Self_Help_Tips_to_control_Panic_and_Anxiety] 

There are numerous things I have tried and attempted in the past in order to gain control over my anxiety. They don’t always work as sometimes the power of the anxiety is too great, but more often than not a combination of the following do help to alleviate the oncoming storm of a PaNiC aTtAcK.

Some important things to bear in mind when feeling stressed of anxious are:

• NEVER and I mean NEVER make a major life decision when feeling stressed or anxious. Although it seems like the perfect thing to do at the time, in reflection it is not. Leave any major decision until you feel more in control of your anxiety.
• In a similar vein to the above, try to avoid sending emails, text messages or make phone calls whilst feeling stressed or anxious. You will regret these as often what you are writing is felt only during that moment of stress and anxiety.
• Take control of work: don’t take on additional hours or workload when beginning to or feeling stressed/anxious as this will result you feeling overwhelmed and adding to your anxiety.
• Reduce alcohol/drug intake. This can help but you’ll find only on a temporary basis and can lead to longer term problems of addiction and dependence.
• RESEARCH. Such an important thing, the more you learn about your condition, the more you understand you are not alone, the easier it will be to fight it.

So, here are seven basic things you can do to help control your anxiety:

1. TALK.
   As with all things in life talking about them with someone you trust and who you know won’t judge or demean you will help. This could be a family member, a kind and wonderful friend or a psychologist/counselor. Talking about your feelings with someone can help lift the weight of stress from your soul and also help you see other options which you cannot see yourself because of the anxiety.
2. PERSONAL CONFLICTS
   Many people find personal conflicts - both at work and at home - add to their overall and stress. If you are having problems at work, or in a relationship, or a friendship, work at resolving these issues. This can be difficult to do but is possible; perhaps seek help from a counselor in order to gain advice. Remember, the quote I have on the front page of this blog (top left hand corner): Never give up on someone that you can’t go a day without thinking about. Learn to let go of anger and forgive people their indiscretions else you will only find your stress and anxiety increasing.
3. ENJOY LIFE!
   The problem with stress and anxiety is that it always seems so hard to enjoy life when you’re feeling stressed - what with all those problems, concerns, worries and tears weighing you down. Try to do at least one thing a day which you enjoy! Go watch a movie, treat yourself to some ice-cream, have lunch with friends, listen to music, meditate, exercise…whatever floats your boat, get to it. Create and maintain a healthy balance between work and play.
4. EXERCISE
   Regular exercise can help alleviate stress and anxiety - there’s nothing like a good walk or run to help clear the cobwebs away. So throw on those lycra shorts and jump on a bike or strip down to your togs and jump in a pool, get your body working to get your mind all cleaned out.
5. MAKE NOTES
   When living with anxiety it can sometimes be hard keeping yourself focused on everything that you need to do. Often with me I find the anxiety seizing control as the day progresses so I lose focus on all the things which I need to get done. Having a simple list of actions which you need to complete can help with this. The trick with this is to keep it simple. If you set yourself a list of complicated and unachievable things to complete you will only end up adding to your stress.
6. SLEEP
   This can be very difficult when suffering from anxiety disorders, especially PTSD when the symptoms often come about at night, but a regular sleep pattern and a good night’s sleep can help alleviate your stress and anxiety.
7. ESTABLISH A DAILY REGULAR ROUTINE
   Another thing which can be tricky, but can help. I wrote a post about how to get through a day whilst dealing with depression which may also be relevant here. You can read this at my sister blog Eliminate the Stigma of Mental Health.

There is also a breathing and muscle relaxation exercise you can try:

Breathing and muscle relaxation:

These are two things which are very effective in coping with stress and anxiety. A combination of controlled breathing and muscle relaxation does wonders for your stress level so it is important to allow yourself time to do these. Try the following:

• Wearing whatever you like (Eskimo suit, underwear, absolutely nothing…just whatever helps you feel more comfortable) lie on the floor and raise your head a little with a pillow or couple of books. Your arms should be stretched out on either side and make yourself feel as comfortable as possible before continuing.
• When you are comfortable take a breath in through your nose, hold it for five seconds, and then breath it slowly out through your mouth. Repeat this procedure and keep breathing in this slow steady manner throughout the duration of the technique.
• Whilst taking a breath in, squeeze your feet as tightly as possible, hold them with your breath, and then release as you are breathing out. Repeat this three times, remembering to breathe with each squeeze.
• Then, continuing to breathe, repeat this procedure working up your body. The object is to relax each muscle in sequence whilst breathing slowly and steadily. A good order is: legs, butt, stomach, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face. As with the feet repeat each body part three times, remembering to hold each squeeze with your breath and release as you breathe out.
• After finishing do not immediately get up, allow yourself to lie there and continue breathing. You should be feeling a little less stressed by this point, so just lying there shouldn’t be too difficult!
• As you lie there start thinking about something or someone which makes you happy; fill your mind with positive energy and allow yourself to enjoy these thoughts.
• You can lie here for as long as you like, fall asleep if you want (and can) and permit yourself to feel relaxed.
• (BONUS TIP: If you have someone in your life (partner, boyfriend, girlfriend etc…) have them “talk you through” this technique. Whilst you are lying there they can, in a calming voice, tell you to “breath in, and then hold, and then release” and help set the pattern of breathing for you. They can then speak you through each body part, soothingly telling you to squeeze each part and reminding you to breathe. This can help SO much in relaxing you, especially if your partner’s voice is a calming and enjoyable thing to you. Having someone slowly telling you to breathe and squeeze your butt and then breathe is actually a joyfully relaxing experience.)

Now, the first couple of times you do this you may not be too successful as with all things in life it can take practice to get yourself into the right mood, and find your own order and sequence which you find most relaxing. It is good to practice this regularly, maybe every couple of days, to allow yourself a routine of relaxation which will assist in establishing yourself a routine (as mentioned above.)

It can be hard to do this though if you have a busy and hectic life, but remember you can control your breathing in every walk of life. You can also perform muscle relaxation at work (when you’re sitting at your computer just do the squeezing bits above in combination with your breathing and you’ll find yourself feeling a little more relaxed.)

And remember,

• Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s all too easy to end up giving yourself a spanking for failing to achieve one of your plans or attempted to control anxiety. Please remember that trying to control your symptoms is difficult, and not succeeding from time to time is not a problem. Instead of slapping yourself on the ass, pat yourself on the back for at least trying.
• Involve other people. Anxiety and stress can be a very isolating disorder so it’s important to involve people you care about. Merely planning a night at the theatre with a friend or lunch with a family member can give you something to look forward to through that anxious week of yours.
• Start slowly, however you decide to try and control your anxiety don’t leap in at the deep end. This will only increase your anxiety and do more damage. If you start small and slowly build you’ll find yourself achieving more each day.
• And please reward yourself, it will be hard work trying to overcome your anxiety (as with all mental illnesses) so treat yourself to a nice slice of cheesecake, a cinema trip, DVD, CD, trip to the beach…whatever floats your boat…every once in a while.

These are just a few of the basic things you can do to try and help control panic and anxiety. They can be hard things to deal with, but in time they can be controlled. Remember to keep working on it, and don’t give up.

If you have any other ideas or trips on controlling anxiety throw them in a comment and share them with everyone else :-)

I mentioned in my post yesterday that I phoned the suicide helpline…

…it is not the first time I have ever called them. The very first time I dialled this number was in April 2006 as I was having an incredibly bad day and didn’t know who else to phone. I was having relationship problems, my best friend had just celebrated her 21st birthday and I didn’t want to upset her, and my other friends…I just didn’t want to burden them.

So I dialled the helpline, which I had on speed dial since my suicide moment the month before. It rang…and it rang…and I cried…and I cried…and it rang…and it rang…and I threw the phone across the room because the bloody thing just kept on ringing and ringing and ringing and nobody answered! There must have been a lot of suicidal people that night! Suffice to say I was able to remain safe and well until those urges had passed, but not before resorting to self-harm for the first time in over a year.

The other most memorable being a moment in March of this year when I was incredibly close from slashing my wrists following my breakdown but was able to be talked down from my mood with their assistance and that of a friendly conversation with a friend.

I have phoned them on several occasions since then, not however before my attempts in May and October because on those occasions I just needed the pain to stop and was not willing to phone for help.

Things however got incredibly bad yesterday. After my atrocious Christmas Day and self-harm session that night (Ouch! Is all I can really say about that, still smarting) I wasn’t coping either Boxing Day or yesterday so after more self-harm which wasn’t achieving the desirable outcome of relief and oh-so-very nearly phoning someone I haven’t spoken to for months I pulled up the hotline’s number on the phone and dialled.

I knew the drill, would no doubt hit an automated queue first, so logged onto YouTube to download a video guaranteed to make me smile and have doubts, and waited for them to answer. It did take a wee while, but eventually I was chatting to a calming lady who listened to me through fitful sobs and occasional caterwauling as I explained my plans. She told me to get rid of the knives (which I didn’t do) and remove myself from the balcony area (which I did).

Once retreated inside I just sat on the floor and waited for the inevitable question. The one I dread and fear in equal heart pounding measure:

Do you have anyone you can call? A friend who can come and be with you?

NO!

I DO NOT!

I have no-one in my life. There is not a soul who could come and be with me to distract my mind from it’s suicidal urges! I fracked up you see and lost everyone!

Frack! I hate that question. I really do. It just serves to remind me how lonely and useless I am, how worthless and forgotten, which just doesn’t help the whole ‘maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if I stayed alive’ argument my head was racing through.

You see this has been the problem this year, this is what caused everything to go wrong.

When my relationship ended in February it basically isolated me. Even though I could still contact some people I knew I couldn’t really talk to them because they were friends of my ex. As I had made the decision to not tell my ex what had happened (i.e. being kicked out of college as an indirect consequence of a text message she sent and also being diagnosed with CLL) out of a desire to protect her from any guilt, I was unable to talk to my friends about these things because I did not want her finding out indirectly. I also didn’t want to bitch to these same friends about my ex because I didn’t want to affect or influence their friendship with her. Does any of this make sense? Seriously, nothing makes sense to me any more! But then it didn’t really then either because Mulholland Drive makes more sense after a breakdown than anything going on in your head! The problem that I was (and still am) in love with my ex didn’t help either!

Isolation is a killer. It seriously fracks you up! With my social circle, network and group in tatters I had to seek out new friends - which after a breakdown is nigh on impossible, let alone for someone who suffers from social anxiety disorder and who’s had a breakdown.

So I have been without any real major human contact since March.

Anyone who has spent several months alone and isolated will know what I mean. You go nuts! You end up talking to yourself to keep yourself sane, or in my case, I talk to myself and Meadhbh which is seriously weird at times. I believe profoundly that had things been different in February and I not been isolated, then what I’ve been going through this year would not have happened…

Anyway.

So I don’t have anyone to call, so the woman chats with me for a while. Asks about my Christmas…self harm, loneliness and desperation. Asks about me…I’m a worthless lunatic, what’s there to say? Until we eventually agree to make a spoken contract, whereby I promise to phone her back tomorrow - i.e. today - which I am just about to do.

Whether or not I will speak to the same woman I don’t know, but she did seriously help yesterday. Which I guess brings me to a kindof point to this somewhat bizarre and rambling post: they are called helplines for a reason.

They help! Use them! If like me you don’t have anyone to talk to or there is no-one to be there with you to help you get through a bad moment - call a helpline!

Simple as that.