The Stigma of Mental Illness • 03.18.08
Some people search for obscure humorous videos, others scour the web for pornographic material. Me? I seek out interesting and new articles on mental health related topics.
This morning I found a wonderful article written called The Stigma of Mental Illness by Ilse Pauw from Health24.com. One of the best I’ve read for quite some time.
Sue’s friend was the first to notice the mood and behaviour changes. Sue had always been extremely tactful, and had tended to put herself second; now she became argumentative, irritable and brash.
Generally, she became extremely talkative, but erratic, jumping from one topic to the next (referred to as “flight of ideas”) and couldn’t keep up with ideas flooding her brain (called “pressure of thought”). Others struggled to follow what it was she was on about.
She made several unwise choices, went on spending sprees, and made two foolish forays into investments which nearly ruined her. She gave away most of her belongings, and could not remember who she had given them to. She would spend hours phoning all her friends and acquaintances (often in the middle of the night), and could go days without sleeping or eating.
“In retrospect, I should probably be grateful that I came out of it alive,” says Sue now. “It’s so scary how your judgement becomes severely impaired. I still shudder when I think of all the risky situations I got myself into.”
She became very promiscuous.
“I flirted with all my male friends, whether they were single or not.” Fortunately, they were able to assure her afterwards that they didn’t respond; that nothing came of it.
She wasn’t safe among strangers, though: Sue says now that what frightens her almost more than anything is that she slept with strangers, and that there are chunks of time that she simply lost. She cannot remember everything and she has a real and legitimate fear that she may have been abused during that time.
A lot of the above is so familiar to me. The unwise choices, the spending sprees, the foolish forays. giving away belongings, phoning people, days without sleeping or eating, flirting, losing chunks of time, promiscuity…yep…check, check, check, check…check!
The manic episode I experienced last year in Adelaide is something I have yet to write about in any detail, aside from my psychologist(s) I have only briefly mentioned some of my actions to an old friend. Some people may view a ‘manic’ episode as being a heady period of fun and unbridled shenanigans - it’s not - it’s a mortifying period where you have little or no control over your actions. That’s if you can actually remember your actions!
“I used to think that I could predict how I would react to certain events. It is freaky that I behaved in such an out-of-character way. Although I’ve been in remission for almost 11 years, I always doubt myself: if I’m excited about something, I think ‘am I ill again?’; if I’m in love, I think ‘am I ill again?’ It is as if I have a much smaller range of emotions that I’m allowed to experience without me or others becoming concerned. That is one of the hardest aspects of having had a manic episode – your right to be frivolous and spontaneous is lost forever.”
Sue has a great group of friends: only one broke off contact because of how she behaved during her illness. She does, however, feel the fact that people become worried so easily about her, means that they haven’t really moved on. “At some level, I’m grateful that my friends become concerned so easily. To some extent this makes me feel looked after. In fact, I’ve asked my best friend to raise his concerns if he ever has some. I know that if he does, I will have it checked out by my psychiatrist immediately. The lack of insight happens quickly, but fortunately not immediately. This is the only thing that gives me confidence that it is unlikely that I would get ill again.”
Many people like Sue, who have or have had a mental illness, feel they do not want to disclose their status. People fear that they may not be regarded as “normal”, and will be rejected. So Sue has never disclosed her illness to employers or new friends. She battles with the idea, and is adamant that people should think carefully about who they trust with this sort of information.
Thanks to the fact that she took leave during her manic phase and when her depression was at its worst, her employer has never picked up anything.
She is grateful for friends’ discretion – except for one, who does tend to talk about it. Sue suspects that this might be why she hasn’t been in a relationship since then. “Whenever someone is interested in me, she tells them about what happened, and warns them that I’m ‘not relationship material’. I’m not being paranoid – I unfortunately know this for a fact. This hurts and frustrates me because it means that I will never be normal in her eyes again.”
Since I became public with the extent of my mental illnesses virtually all of my old-friends have broken contact. As I have mentioned previously on this blog, I do not blame them entirely, as some of my actions were questionable - although not all being my own choice. This has made recovery so much harder as isolation and loneliness only contributes to the symptoms of mental illness.
My decision to go public with my illnesses came about because of my passion for mental health awareness. Mental illnesses is and will continue to destroy so many lives that it is something which needs to be talked about. I understand why some people wish to remain anonymous or hide this side of their illnesses from people, however, when I decided to join the fight I knew I would need to be open and honest with everything - including my name - if I was to fight this battle on my own terms.
“The positive spin-off is that I have a far greater understanding of what people with mental illness go through and I’m in a far stronger position to support and empathise with those around me who have had similar experiences.”
As I have mentioned before; I have already lost everything, so I have nothing more to lose in being open with who I am and the illnesses I suffer from, regardless of the stigma attached to mental illness.
