How many of you knew it was International Men’s Health week?
Be honest now, don’t go…ahhh, yes, I knew that, of course I did. Honesty rules ok, so start using it - else I’ll start scolding, and you won’t like it when I start scolding!
I’ll start, I didn’t actually realise what the week was until today. I should have done and I have duly scolded myself for not being aware of this sooner. So now I’m allowed out of the corner I thought I’d jump on this wee blog o’mine and tell all of you people what I found out.
I bet half of you don’t even care, I mean there are SOOOOoooooooo many “international weeks of this” or “international days of that” these days that quite often a single week has several different things attached to it. Then there’s each specific country having his/her own specific “week of this” or “week of that” that most of us just give up and go eat a Belgium waffle. And why not, Belguim waffle’s are good (damn good) far more orgasmically exciting than thinking about the fact that male suicide often out-numbers female suicide by fourto one.
That’s not important is it, not in the scheme of waffle related orgasms.
Now being a man I know from personal experience that I never used to want to admit to being sick, or ill, or anything really that showed my weaknesses. If I had a cold then I just struggled through. Back in the days when I used to work full time I would crawl into work feeling like utter shit rather than admit that I actually needed to go and see a Doctor, even when I had glandular fever last year I struggled on through work, college, trips, hikes, horserides and the like rather than just rest and allow myself time to recover from an illness which could in fact kill me! I wasn’t worried about that because the waffle as substitute for sex society in which we live doesn’t allow men to admit they sick; they’re ostracised if they do, from relationships, social circles and society in general. Even when I was diagnosed with cancer last year I didn’t tell anyone (although granted I tried to) because of the whole - a weak man is not a man argument which was thrown at me - but then we’ve covered that ground before. Men just aren’t allowed to be weak these days, a la, they’re not allowed to be sick, a la, men’s health is not important.
But it is!
I learned earlier on this week that someone I know in the UK - a man - suffered a stroke (a mini-stroke to be exact as it turned out) but a stroke is a stroke in anyone’s book and that’s bloody serious! The first thought on this man’s was not how he needed to be in hospital, but that he needed to drive to Bristol the following day to deliver an item which had been sold on Ebay…ummm, priorities :) The thing is he is actually also pretty young and in the long term this may possibly have been avoided.
I guess my point is one I’ve covered before, which is that men should not be made to feel weak for having an illness. It’s bloody ridiculous in this day in age, that men are still being made to feel they cannot admit or talk about both physical and mental illnesses which are bothering them in order to make themselves ‘more desireable’ for the opposite sex.
To put it another way; would the women out there prefer to receive their sexual gratification from the delicious delights of a Belgium waffle (and I’m sure many are thinking “Orgasm merely from eating a Belgium waffle, if it were only that easy!”) or would you prefer to be snuggled up in bed with your honey having wild nights of romping fun with something which actually breathes and feels and emotes and thinks about your pleasure (and yes, that sort of man does exist before you say otherwise)?
If you answer Yep, I would much prefer the waffle! Well then, prepare for a scolding!
If you answer I would actually much much prefer my man.
Well then, how long has it been since he went to the GP for a check up? Maybe it’s time to go.
And for the men out there - physical or mental health concerns? - it really doesn’t take much to go see a Doctor.
So have a wee think this week about your health. Any nagging pains, aches, frustrations or worries. Maybe now’s the time to get it checked out - before that stroke (or other long term, possibly terminal, condition) bites you on the ass instead of your partner.
In the five and a half years or so I lived here before returning to the UK there was very little postive action in promoting mental health awareness in Australia. Sure there was the odd poster here, the odd sign on a tram there, but that was about it.
To most Australian’s I met and spoke with mental illness seemed to be this pseudo-mythical condition which meant you should spend the rest of your life locked up in some institution somewhere never to see the light of day again.
Some may continue to think like that, sometime’s it’s difficult for people to fit into the widely expected Australian stereotype of ‘laid back surfer dude’ or ‘funky coffee shop chick’ when they are dealing with depression, anxiety, bipolar, schizophrenia or the like.
It’s also been my experience that a lot of people (not just in Australia) are not that interested in understanding what mental illness is or how it affects someone, as long as it doesn’t effect them.
Directly or indirectly.
As long as it doesn’t get in the way of their happy little life, I mean who needs someone suffering from mental illness to drag you down, eh? They’re just useless frackwits!
But since returning here about a month ago I’ve been pleased to see not one - but two - major campaigns running to assist in promoting mental health awareness; both by leading mental health charities in Australia.
The first is from SANE Australia, who have a print, television, radio and internet campaign running.
The national campaign features everyday street signs and billboards replaced with titles such as ‘depression’, ‘anxiety’ and ‘mood swings’ to represent how mental illness is a part of everyday life for many people – and the importance of identifying possible signs.
‘Friends and family are often the first people to notice the changes in behaviour or thinking that can be early signs of mental illness. SANE encourages people to have the confidence to act on their concerns as soon as possible and simplify what can be an overwhelming process by providing clear information and advice,’ says Barbara Hocking, Executive Director of SANE Australia.
The ‘Signs’ campaign has been developed through the generous support of award-winning ad agency, Commotion, and the TV commercial was directed by David Jagoda, renowned for his work on high-profile campaigns for Nokia, Ikea and MTV among others.
There are six new TV commercials in the series and an additional one aimed at men, which has already been seen in rural areas across Australia.
Produced by Frontier Advertising in close association with beyondblue, each commercial provides a candid insight into the experiences of people with these conditions and how they hide their symptoms from friends, families and work colleagues.
The message is: “Helping someone with depression isn’t beyond you. For more information visit this website or call the beyondblue info line 1300 22 4636 (local call).”
beyondblue Chairman The Hon. Jeff Kennett said: “These advertisements are so real, everyone will be moved by the message and circumstances of the characters in the ads. The campaign will help beyondblue to get the message out that depression is common and help is available.”
I have myself witness the SANE campaign in many locations, and only came across the BeyondBlue campaign today whilst visiting a public bathroom - only to be met with a poster regarding bipolar disorder.
According to the Beyondblue website this campaign was launched in 2006, and I’m sorry I was not aware of it running until now.
Having witnessed the SANE television campaign I can only applaud it, I truly hope both campaigns run and run and people start taking notice and broadening their understanding of this issue which affects so many lives not only in Australia but the world over.
I can only hope more campaigns are running like this the world over, if not, then they need to start. Which gets me thinking…how would you like to see a campaign run to raise awareness of mental health? How should it be handled? Any thoughts?
For those of you in the UK who don’t wish to know plot spoilers for your favourite Australian import, then look away.
For those of you in the US who don’t even know what Neighbours is, it’s a weekday soap opera.
For those of you who don’t care, ah well, thems the breaks :)
Although I haven’t seen any of the emerging storyline myself - being without a TV makes it difficult to catch up on this sort of thing - Ramsay Street is beginning a storyline in which one of it’s residents is revealed to have bipolar disorder.
Actress: Simone Buchanan
Personally I think it’s bloody fantastic that this is happening. All too often in television mental illness is sensationalised and trivialised, much to the chagrin of people who are making every effort they can to explain and promote good mental health awareness, so for a major television show like this to take on such a storyline - it should be applauded.
If I ever get the chance to see the storyline myself, then I’ll keep you abreast of new information.
As the end draws near, the finale of the rather short and randomly intermittent Starter for Ten series. Where the questions which have been perplexing you are answered. So with my fingers getting all itchy on the buzzer, here we go:
1) How much money have you made in this blogging venture of yours? Surely all this moaning about your life was only for the money?
I have made - taking into account competitions, online costs and internet cafes - minus £143. Yep, this blog has actually cost me money! Woohoo!
I never set out to make any money from this blog, that was never the intention, and even as the blog progressed I never for a moment thought about trying to make any money from this it.
The recent appearance of adverts was a natural addition and any money raised through these adverts were to be donated to charity.
There is way too much self-thinking going on in the world at the moment – way too many people clammering to make as much money as they can for their next great adventure or the latest upgrade in technological advancement. It really annoys me, everywhere I look there’s money making schemes and “how to win it big so you can afford that big house on the beach and mock those less fortunate than you” ventures. And don’t even get me started on The Apprentice. I’m all for making money, we all need it to live, but there should be a point when we stop thinking about ourselves and start thinking about what other people are going through. My main issue with the world as it is today is the selfishness of it, it’s contaminating society, and everyone is becoming more apathetic to other people in their monumental me-me-me-me-me quest.
So to anyone who thinks this blog has made me money, you’re wrong. I never wanted to make money from this blog. I wanted to share my life, the problems I’ve had to face, raise awareness of mental illness and related issues which no-one talks about. Expose myself to the world so that others in similar situations don’t feel so lonely. That was always why I did it and not for a second did making money ever cross my mind.
Whilst I’m on the subject:
Through this blog, £15 has been raised for the Mental Health Foundation. Not much, but something.
And the current total through Stray Visions: The Stray Thoughts Art Shop is £238.
Edinburgh Gardens – Walking down Chapel Street – Chilling on the Beach – Cycling the bike paths, especially the Yarra track and along the bay – rainforests – the wonderful food at the VegieBar and cafes of Brunswick Street – sitting by the Torrens – the people – my old friends – the plethora of second hand bookshops – Port Fairy – the ice cream – Adam Hill – the great festivals in Melbourne – Wombats – bikinis – Sean Micallef – the music scene – Carlton Gardens – the Dandenongs – Trivia Nights – the future I nearly had – and so – much – much – more - …
I could go on and on and on about what I miss about Australia, I could write a whole separate blog on the subject of this country, detailing in great length all the things I love, miss and (vice versa) the problems and annoyances with the country. I tried hard to make my life and future in Australia, unfortunately, Australia decided it didn’t want someone like me.
4) What was the last thing that made you giggle? What was the last thing that made you smile? What was the last thing which made your heart skip a beat? What was the last thing that made you glad to be alive?
Giggle? Easy – that Adipose sliding down the bonnet of the taxi.
We need more ridiculously cute aliens. How many people the world over said “I want one!” after seeing this!
Smile? An email I received a few days ago. Yep. That made me smile big time :)
Skip a beat? It’s a bit sad (like my life these days), but an episode of a television series I watched last night had a line that not only caused my heart to skip a beat but momentarily stop as well. The line was “Because you’re breaking my heart,” and it was delivered so perfectly that anyone who says television is an empty void with no redeeming features watches way too much reality television.
Glad to be alive? We have to be going back over a year for that one, so far back in time in fact that I can’t actually remember what it was. Ach, well!
5) Do you think your post talking about your manic phase will alter people’s opinions of you?
Yes, I do. Stigma dictates a lot of people’s perceptions of mental illness, so going into such a topic was a hard choice to make.
I have wanted to talk about it in the past, but was aware that it may cloud people’s views of me. They might focus on the selfish misogynistic aspects of the phase rather than the confusion and danger inherent in the phase. However, setting out to detail my life, I think it’s important to be there as it opens up further knowledge of the difficulties in living with manic depression.
6) If you had unlimited funds and unlimited time constraints (i.e.: past, present, future) and no obligations to fulfill….. Where would you like to go on holiday?
Good question…a bloody hard question as well. I mean there’s the simple answer of the holiday’s I nearly had; the Whitsunday week and South American trip I had planned for last year, they would have been fantastic to do and I’m frustrated things didn’t pan out as I’d hoped. There’s also just the odd countries I’d love to have the opportunity to explore; Italy, Iceland, Norway, Spain, France and New Zealand. Or the cities I’d love to visit; Los Angeles, St Petersburg, Perth, Sienna, Barcelona for various reasons or people.
But with unlimited time constraints?
A Round the World Trip.
Fairly standard answer I think, but if I had no time or money constraints (and we’ll forget energy and health constraints as well) I would travel the entire world in as much detail and depth as I could. Most likely I would go west, as not only is it a kick-arse song which I could adopt as an anthem but I would battle to achieve something I always wanted to do, which was travel the world without stepping on a plane!
First port of call would be to learn how to drive and then obtain a Harley Trike, ever since Billy Connolly took a world tour of Australia on one, I’ve dreamed of circumnavigating the globe on one of these beasts.
Europe would be first; France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, Sweden, Finland etc etc etc etc before zipping across and through all those wonderful Eastern European countries and then upwards to Russia to join the Trans Siberian Express (a trip I have ALWAYS wanted to do, and pretty much everyone who’s met me knows not only my love of trains but also my desire to traverse this particular route). Then down through China, bumming around all those wonderful exotic Asian countries before dropping down to Australia.
I’d go counter clockwise, most likely kicking off in Darwin round the coast to Perth, all around those Western States and then zipping across to Adelaide, up to Uluru and the red hot centre, then diagonally down to Melbourne (ahhh, Melbourne) where I’d hang out for as long as the sore-bum from the trike took to heal. Catching up with forgotten friends, old haunts and favourite spots, before heading to Tassie by Ferry, exploring this vast much dreamed of island, and then back up to Melbourne before continuing around the coast. If I did a complete circuit I may have to double back somewhere as I’d head New Zealand way next before crossing the Pacific and hitting the States.
There’s people there I’d try to meet if they’d like to, and if I were able to get the trike across, perhaps a road trip USA style around that vast country. Canada of course, of bloody course, would be revisited and then straight down to Latin America; Mexico, Cuba, dancing and music, before continuing further and further southwards into all the South American countries and then heading even further south to Antarctica.
I’d hang with the penguins for a while before tripping up to South Africa, defrosting the bike, and then heading northwards once again through this continent. I’d skip the UK for now, zipping up to Greenland and Iceland. And whilst sitting on a glacier thinking of all where I’d been I would realize I’d missed some places and have to hire a private jet to take my trike to Alaska, India, and wherever else I hadn’t been before heading back to the UK.
Starting in the Shetlands I’d journey the length of the country and then when it was all over wonder what the hell I would do next.
Of course, as I traveled around, I may even pick up a few people who would be welcome to come along for the ride, either on my same trike or perhaps they could get their own (courtesy of my unlimited funds) and we could go for a world “how many harley trikes can we get going around the world” record.
Or something like that.
But to be honest, I’d be quite happy just heading somewhere simple and cheap if I would be able to spend some time with people from my past again or those I’ve never met but would love to spend time with.
7) How hard is it to write about emotional abuse? Doesn’t it just bring it all back?
It’s always been hard for me to write about emotional abuse. Not because it just brings it all back, as I’ve never been able to get over it to begin with, so it’s already there all the time. But because of the reason I wrote first in the initial post on emotional abuse. I always had the utmost respect for the person who subjected me to this treatment, and I still do. I care about her greatly and always will. I’ll never understand why she treated me this way or what she was thinking whilst she was doing it. I talk about it because of how it has affected and destroyed my life and wish this form of abuse was talked about in the same way that physical and sexual abuse are talked about.
As I’ve said throughout the blog, I have made mistakes through my life, but no-one ever deserves to be treated in this way regardless of their mistakes.
I was taught to forgive and forget as it is the only way people can seek the closure they need and move on. I don’t hold grudges. If someone is frequently being reminded of all their mistakes, how are they ever supposed to change?
8) Do you think you’ll ever overcome all of the demons you’re fighting?
Short answer – no.
Long answer – noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Seriously, I was fighting the demons for so long that when I finally overcame them in early 2006 I was exhausted, especially with the glandular fever. So to be diagnosed with CLL almost as soon as I’d done so was just a slap in the face, and the resulting collapse of my life has basically taken all the energy and drive from me. To lose what I lost I would not even wish on my most reviled of worst enemies.
It’s not that I’ve given up, as I’ve continued to fight even when my back’s been against the wall and my soul’s been staring into the flaming fires of hell, I’ve dragged myself back from the brink on dozens of occasions in the last twelve months. A point however has been reached when I no longer believe I have the energy to fight as hard as I did for those 14 long years. The demons will always be there, I’ve no doubt about that, I had my chance to be the person I always dreamed of being. I lost that chance.
And we only ever get one chance with everything and one in life.
And that’s it. Only one post to go now and I’ll be honest in saying I’m trying to make it a ‘classic’, it will also be a lot happier and perkier than the posts which have gone up over the last few days.
Of all the treatments I have tried to combat depression with over the last fifteen years this is the only one I have had success with, as such, I believe it to be the greatest treatment for depression…so tomorrow, this will be discussed, in the final stage of Addy’s Journey with Depression.
It is Mental Health Action Week, to which the theme is anger. The Mental Health Foundation are holding various RANTfests in workplaces and organisations around the country - this is my own RANTfest, one rant a day for the duration of the week.
Every (non spamming) comment received on this blog between 23-29 March will see 50p (or even more, depending on it’s quality) donated to the Action Week Appeal.
Rant #1: Sexism
This is something that really gets on my tits!
I was reading blog posts the other night, as I do, given the fact that I have nothing else to do on a Friday evening due to my anxiety/illness crushed existence and after reading one I very very very nearly wanted to launch the computer I was using across the room to smash those pixellated words into a thousand tiny fractured pieces.
What is it these days that most people think sexism only works in one direction - i.e. men being derogatory to women?
What is it that makes it that being derogatory to men isn’t considered sexism, but mere playful banter?
This article I was reading was about adultery, the having of an affair in a relationship, and throughout the entire article did it ever - not once - period - mention the fact that women also have affairs. That women also cheat on their partners.
Once again I was reading an article about how evil and misguided men are whilst surreptitiously painting women as the personification of perfection of Eve’s ovaries.
It’s the same as when I’m surfing for articles on abuse, trying to find ways to overcome the PTSD, panic, flashbacks and anxiety which I suffer as a result of the malicious emotional abuse I was subjected to for several months; all I can find are articles about how this man abused this women, how this man attacked this woman, how this woman is finding it hard overcoming the abuse they were the victim of from the general evilness of man.
Don’t people realise that men can be victims too?
A man?
A victim?
What?
Weak little amoeba!
How can we be attracted to a man who cries?
(How can a man be attracted to a woman who cries?)
In today’s society men are painted, labelled, and shunned as weak if they openly admit to something being wrong. If they admit to an illness, if they admit to abuse, if they show their emotions in any way (crying, trembling, shaking, talking, opening up) they are seen as not a man, they are seen as un-manly.
Whereas if a woman does the exact same thing they are seen to be strong, in touch with their emotions, able to communicate, brave, strong, inspirational.
It can be seen all over the web, all over the newspapers, all over the world, in every street, cul-de-sac, high rise, low-rise, beach house, town house, out house and chicken house.
It’s a pretty standard fact that men, from an early age, are encouraged to not talk about their emotions, from their early more formative years men are pretty much ordered to never open up or share what they are feeling because of the shame attached to being ‘unmanly’.
(What the hell is unmanly anyway?)
All through life we have to pretend nothing is wrong, that we are able to always deal with our problems withour ever seeking help, assistance or - god forbid - comfort from those women in our lives. As soon as we try to share our emotions we are mocked, ridiculed and shunned.
Yet, in utter contradiction, all over the world, in thousands of self help books, articles and websites men are being told to open up more, that in order for a relationship to work we must on all levels talk about our feelings in depth and without prompt.
But how are we supposed to when the moment we do we are mocked, ridiculed and shunned?
It’s no surprise to me that men commit more violent crimes than women, that men commit suicide more than women, that men are more likely to end up alcoholic and forgotten. The moment we try to be anything which the media is telling us we shouldn’t be this anti-sexism kicks in; free reign to have a go at men for all the problems in the world, but should this ever be thrown back at women - that’s just men being sexist as always!
Now, I’m not getting at women. Good lord, do I respect and admire women? Everything from your minds and souls to your hearts and tears right down to your delightful breasts and wonderful botto…Hang on, am I allowed to say that? Or is that being sexist? I’m not sure - I mean I see adverts on TV where women are ogling men’s arses, but am I allowed to do the same? Or is that sexist?
I’m digressing.
My issue with all of this is when men’s health is forgotten or deemed unimportant. This can be both physical and psychological illnesses. My issue is that men’s health seems to be being forgotten. All these posts and articles and news reports and media opinions…they are annoyingly one sided.
WOMEN can and do have affairs. They are also just as likely to flirt, manipulate emotions and stray purely for the game of it as men are.
WOMEN are the perpetrators of abuse just as much as they are the victims.
MEN suffer from mental illness just as women suffer from mental illness.
MEN feel just as much as women feel.
(Note that in all of the above I write just as and not more than)
The only reason these aren’t reported is that, once again, men are not supposed to talk about their emotions. We are supposed to hide them at all times and just head down the pub to talk about breasts, sport, arses, beer, breasts, cricket, arses and music; which must always be of a punk, emo, rock, manly genre.
I’d love to see a day when men and women are truly equal. Where a man can cry and not feel ashamed. Where a man can admit to suffering from illness and seek support without being ostracised from his family and friends. Where a man can feel he is not a lesser being for openly admitting to his emotions.
Where I can surf the internet and not repeatedly find stories about how all affairs are the fault of man and his ability think only with his penis. Where I can surf the internet and find stories of men talking about the abuse inflicted on them by women, and where men go to find help for their issues without being the object of degradation or labelling.
Tomorrow…Rant #2: Is ‘passion’ dead?
Donate to the Mental Health Action Week campaign here
MENTAL HEALTH ACTION WEEK
23 - 29 MARCH 2008 Don’t let anger get the better of you
Next week is the Mental Health Foundation’s Action Week. The foundation uses this week to raise awareness of mental health issues across the UK. The theme of this years action week is anger.
What is anger?
“Anger is one of the most basic human emotions. it is a physical and mental response to a threat or to harm done in the past. Anger takes many different forms from irritation to blinding rage or resentment that festers over many years.
At any point in time, a combination of physical, mental and social factors interact to make us feel a certain way. It’s different for each of us. Our feelings are influenced by our emotional make-up, how we view the world, what happens around us and our circumstances. Like other emotions, anger rarely acts alone.”
What kind of problems can be linked to anger?
Anger is the emotion most likely to cause problems in relationships in the family, at work and with friends. people with a long term anger problem tend to be poor at making decisions, take more risks than other people and are more likely to have a substance misuse problem.
Anger has been linked with mental health problems:
Depression
Anxiety
Self Harm
And anger can be a major factor in abusive relationships which can also lead to mental health problems for both abusee and abuser. Anger is also a major contributor to physical health conditions such as: blood pressure, colds, flu, coronary heart disease, stroke, cancer and gastro-intestinal problems.
What is being done?
Across the UK there will be thousands of people undertaking different activities to raise awareness and money for this campaign, here on My Journey with Depression it is no different.
The foundation is encouraging people to have a ‘RANT-a-thon’ where people come together to ‘let off’ steam and have a RANT. Well, that is what I will be doing. Everyday next week I will be posting a special RANT post where I let rip some steam and see what happens.
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Mental Health Action Week RANTs Quick Links
Sunday 23 March - Sexism
Monday 24 March -
Tuesday 25 March -
Wednesday 26 March -
Thursday 27 March -
Friday 28 March -
Saturday 29 March -
What would you like Addy to RANT about?
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All that’s just for fun really, where the money raising comes in will be:
For every comment I receive on this blog between 23 - 29 March 2008 I will donate 50p towards the Mental Health Foundation’s Action week appeal.
For every interesting comment (my discretion) I will donate £1.
This will be for every post and page on the blog, not just the RANT posts.
(and will not include spam comments - sorry, don’t have a spare £million)
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TOTAL SO FAR - £1.00 (as of 23 March 2008)
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If you would like to donate merely from the bottom of your beautiful wee heart I have set up a secure donation page through the JustGiving.co.uk where all money donated will be paid directly to the Mental Health Foundation.
Let’s all help raise awareness of mental health issues.
Some people search for obscure humorous videos, others scour the web for pornographic material. Me? I seek out interesting and new articles on mental health related topics.
This morning I found a wonderful article written called The Stigma of Mental Illness by Ilse Pauwfrom Health24.com. One of the best I’ve read for quite some time.
Sue’s friend was the first to notice the mood and behaviour changes. Sue had always been extremely tactful, and had tended to put herself second; now she became argumentative, irritable and brash.
Generally, she became extremely talkative, but erratic, jumping from one topic to the next (referred to as “flight of ideas”) and couldn’t keep up with ideas flooding her brain (called “pressure of thought”). Others struggled to follow what it was she was on about.
She made several unwise choices, went on spending sprees, and made two foolish forays into investments which nearly ruined her. She gave away most of her belongings, and could not remember who she had given them to. She would spend hours phoning all her friends and acquaintances (often in the middle of the night), and could go days without sleeping or eating.
“In retrospect, I should probably be grateful that I came out of it alive,” says Sue now. “It’s so scary how your judgement becomes severely impaired. I still shudder when I think of all the risky situations I got myself into.”
She became very promiscuous.
“I flirted with all my male friends, whether they were single or not.” Fortunately, they were able to assure her afterwards that they didn’t respond; that nothing came of it.
She wasn’t safe among strangers, though: Sue says now that what frightens her almost more than anything is that she slept with strangers, and that there are chunks of time that she simply lost. She cannot remember everything and she has a real and legitimate fear that she may have been abused during that time.
A lot of the above is so familiar to me. The unwise choices, the spending sprees, the foolish forays. giving away belongings, phoning people, days without sleeping or eating, flirting, losing chunks of time, promiscuity…yep…check, check, check, check…check!
The manic episode I experienced last year in Adelaide is something I have yet to write about in any detail, aside from my psychologist(s) I have only briefly mentioned some of my actions to an old friend. Some people may view a ‘manic’ episode as being a heady period of fun and unbridled shenanigans - it’s not - it’s a mortifying period where you have little or no control over your actions. That’s if you can actually remember your actions!
“I used to think that I could predict how I would react to certain events. It is freaky that I behaved in such an out-of-character way. Although I’ve been in remission for almost 11 years, I always doubt myself: if I’m excited about something, I think ‘am I ill again?’; if I’m in love, I think ‘am I ill again?’ It is as if I have a much smaller range of emotions that I’m allowed to experience without me or others becoming concerned. That is one of the hardest aspects of having had a manic episode – your right to be frivolous and spontaneous is lost forever.”
Sue has a great group of friends: only one broke off contact because of how she behaved during her illness. She does, however, feel the fact that people become worried so easily about her, means that they haven’t really moved on. “At some level, I’m grateful that my friends become concerned so easily. To some extent this makes me feel looked after. In fact, I’ve asked my best friend to raise his concerns if he ever has some. I know that if he does, I will have it checked out by my psychiatrist immediately. The lack of insight happens quickly, but fortunately not immediately. This is the only thing that gives me confidence that it is unlikely that I would get ill again.”
Many people like Sue, who have or have had a mental illness, feel they do not want to disclose their status. People fear that they may not be regarded as “normal”, and will be rejected. So Sue has never disclosed her illness to employers or new friends. She battles with the idea, and is adamant that people should think carefully about who they trust with this sort of information.
Thanks to the fact that she took leave during her manic phase and when her depression was at its worst, her employer has never picked up anything.
She is grateful for friends’ discretion – except for one, who does tend to talk about it. Sue suspects that this might be why she hasn’t been in a relationship since then. “Whenever someone is interested in me, she tells them about what happened, and warns them that I’m ‘not relationship material’. I’m not being paranoid – I unfortunately know this for a fact. This hurts and frustrates me because it means that I will never be normal in her eyes again.”
Since I became public with the extent of my mental illnesses virtually all of my old-friends have broken contact. As I have mentioned previously on this blog, I do not blame them entirely, as some of my actions were questionable - although not all being my own choice. This has made recovery so much harder as isolation and loneliness only contributes to the symptoms of mental illness.
My decision to go public with my illnesses came about because of my passion for mental health awareness. Mental illnesses is and will continue to destroy so many lives that it is something which needs to be talked about. I understand why some people wish to remain anonymous or hide this side of their illnesses from people, however, when I decided to join the fight I knew I would need to be open and honest with everything - including my name - if I was to fight this battle on my own terms.
“The positive spin-off is that I have a far greater understanding of what people with mental illness go through and I’m in a far stronger position to support and empathise with those around me who have had similar experiences.”
As I have mentioned before; I have already lost everything, so I have nothing more to lose in being open with who I am and the illnesses I suffer from, regardless of the stigma attached to mental illness.
The first thing I ever wrote regarding my history of mental illness was an article entitled My War against Mental Illness way back in October 2007 (I know it wasn’t all that long ago, but it feels like it sometimes).
It was a rather cathartic moment for me, having kept a lot of what I had been through to myself for so long to write it down felt wonderful - even if no one actually read it at the time.
Whilst compiling the short videos I took of my trip to Scotland I decided to make a few videos inspired from my favourite posts of the past, just for a bit of fun mainly, and the most natural choice to begin with was my first piece of writing on the subject.
(If for some reason you would like to post this video on your own blog/website to help raise awareness of mental illness just drop me a line and I’ll shoot some code over to you, the more publicity mental illness awareness received the more chance we have of instigating some change in attitudes and viewpoints.)
As I don’t actually have any place I can call home in the “real world” it’s nice to have a place to call a home in cyberspace, especially with an address that I can call my “own”.
My decision to move to my own domain has been a long time coming, it’s something I’ve wanted to do since I started writing this blog back on blogspot so many moons, mood swings and lifetimes ago I can barely recall who I was back then. My move to wordpress was, in essence, a way to try out their software whilst I pondered and tweaked with the whole “is it possible/feasible/worth it” debate.
Eventually I decided, as it was something I desired, it was worth it. So often in life we never get what we want, no matter how much work we put in to realise our dreams.
Hopefully the move will prove undramatic, but as I have become accustomed to dramatics in life I’m sure there will be some hiccups along the way.
For those who have followed me over from my wordpress.com blog, all the posts found on that site are here and complete so you can re-read and study to your hearts content. new posts will, mood dependant as always, fly either thick and fast powered by uncontrollable mania - or trickle along slower than a snail trying to escape his arch rival the slug (who is intent on stealing his home) - hopefully the former :)
For those of you who are finding me for the very first time. Don’t be too scared! :) Granted I have my obscure moments, but peak beneath the surface and the labels and you’ll find a surprisingly interesting guy. The best thing to do is have a wander and see what you find.
I recommend a trip to the INDEX where you’ll find answers to the most commonly asked questions. Perhaps then a visit to the UNDERSTANDING MENTAL ILLNESS page where you can read more about the various forms of mental illness which exist in the world, as well as lengthy passages about my own experience of dealing with these illnesses which I have had thrust upon me.
To keep you up to date you can subscribe to my RSS FEED or by EMAIL; and for those of you who decide to subscribe by email you will be in the running to win a wonderful prize every two weeks, just for subscribing! So hop to it.
If you’d like to know more about me you can have a wee gander here, and please let me know a little about yourselves, it’s always good to meet new people.
I look forward to settling into my new home and getting to know you all better :)
A recent comment on my post regarding Emotional Abuse had me delving into my old blog to pluck this list of resources and information from the internet ether.
This list was originally posted on my Blogspot blog on 13 December 2007 but as all information regarding emotional abuse is needed and warranted it is worth reposting here.
There are a lot of people out there who are either in, or think they are in an abusive relationship. It took me months and several hours spent in the Adelaide public library to work out that I had been the victim of emotional abuse.
Collected here are some resources and articles which you could use to better understand your situation and ways you can deal with it.
Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support I
(A lot of these articles have been written from the POV of abusive man/victimised woman which I find a little frustrating, as more needs to be done to bring the “abused man” into the spotlight - but if you are an emotionally abused man just swap the s/he’s around and you’ll be fine)
Emotional Abusers
By Natalie P. An excellent “rant” on emotional abuse that made me laugh, made me angry and made me cry. It was like reading about my previous relationship (if you swap the he’s and the she’s!)
The Guilt of the Abused By Sam Vaknin An article about the how the abused often feel guilty or blame themselves for what is being done to them.
Emotional Abuse
By Steve Hein An excellent resource of emotional abuse information, written predominantly from the perspective of abused teenagers/children from their parents but the information is equally relevant for the abuse in adult sexual/friend/work relationships.
Verbal Abuse
By Kerby Anderson An article which includes a religious/biblical reflection on emotional abuse.
Facebook Groups… These two Facebook groups offer information and support to victims of emotional abuse. You will need a Facebook ID to access these groups.
Recommended Reading… Some books which deal with emotional abuse.
- Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse [Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray]
- Trauma and Recovery [J L Herman]
- Emotional Abuse: The Trauma and the Treatment [Marti Tamm Loring]
- Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse the Erosion of Identity [Marie-France Hirigoyen]
Then on 17 December 2007 a second follow up post appeared:
Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support II
It’s not that I’m obsessed or anything, but I’m really struggling to overcome the emotional abuse I suffered so have been spending as much time as I can afford trying to find new information and coping strategies to recover.So here are some excellent sites/blogs I have discovered regarding emotional and/or other abuse:Sanctuary for the Abused A blog containing articles, links and support for survivors of verbal, emotional, online and psychological abuse. LOTS of information here I’ve only touched the surface of what they have to offer, but so far it is excellent, and come highly recommended.Abused No More
Emotional abuse recovery Coach Annie Kaszina enables women to understand and heal swiftly from the trauma of an abusive relationship.
And a couple more articles:
From the Abuser’s Point of View An interesting insight of abuse as told from what the abuser may be feeling. Once again, the abuser is painted as a man; although in a lot of cases the abuser is male, it would be nice to occasionally find a sight which discusses the man as “victim” rather than “perpetrator”.
Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator Another great article on eight ways in which someone will act if they are emotionally abusive or have the potential to be emotionally abusive.
Effects of Emotional Abuse A nice article on what the longer term effects of emotional abuse could be if not dealt with in any way.
And with that I think I’ll leave my emotional abuse series for a while. It’s opened up a lot of scars I had forgotten about and I need to work on finding ways to overcome these issues, but with everything will keep you posted on my progress/lack of progress.
To all who are trying to overcome and understand emotional abuse, either as a victim or abuser, I shall give you a hug and wish you the best of luck.
I'm Addy; 29, a little crazy, a little kinky, and I suffer from bipolar type 1, depression and self harm. They are illnesses I suffer from and are not a reflection of my personality. I'm tired of the stigma surrounding mental health, it's time we gave it a damn good spanking. This is my journey with depression.
Here is where I collect a few odds & ends and bits & pieces of the more "bizarre" end of the mental health spectrum. Things to make you laugh, smile, chuckle or just shake your head at how obscure they may sound.
----------------------- A Good Caning takes Some Beating
This is for all you depressed masochists out there - you see you have it right! Why are we all taking medications when this cure has so fewer side-effects?
-----------------------
Suicidal Smiley #1
I have no idea why I find this amusing, I just do :p
----------------------- Alien Soul Theory is no Cure for Depression
All hail scientology and their obscure theories! Personally, I think opt for the cure posted above than this bizarreness!
----------------------- Got the Blues? Try a cold shower.
I completely understand the benefits of a hot shower. I also understand the benefits of a cold shower. I am however a little hesitant as to how one can "prevent" depression...but still!
----------------------- Do you have any interesting and off the wall tales of mental illness or miracle depression cures? If you do, send them my way :)
