Overcoming Mental Illness

If you had told me 14 days ago that I would be sitting in an internet cafe in Alice Springs, pretty much in the dead red heart of Australia about to commence a new job and a whole new life - I would probably have guffawed one of those huge belly laughs in your face and hoped not to get any spittle on you.

But yet here I am, in the middle of a town in the middle of a desert surrounded by thousands upon thousands of kilometres of red dust, camels and backpacking tourists eager to take trips out to the Rock (which is 500km away by the way).

So yeah.

Absolutely insane crazy day at the end of an absolutely insane crazy week at the end of an absolutely insane crazy month at the end of an insane crazy eighteen months! Is it any wonder I’m completely and utterly insane on every level? I mean who ups and moves to the middle of the desert without ever having gone there before - potentially for the rest of his life.

Someone who runs from social contact, that would be who!

Alice Springs, however, is a far nicer place than Sydney. I’ll be honest, I seriously didn’t like Sydney. As a city there was nothing wrong with it - but unlike other cities (Vancouver, Montreal, Quebec, Brussels, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Inverness, Melbourne, Adelaide…as examples) that I’ve been to, there was just no spark in any way throughout the entire time that I was there. It was just - yep, that’s a skyscraper, yep that’s a shop, yep that’s a bus, yep that’s a somewhat arrogant yuppified moron who doesn’t care about anyone but himself.

This wee town in the middle of nowhere positively bristles with activity. Tourists buzzing around checking out art and planning their tours and trips and camping excursions before throwing themselves into their swimwear and basking by the pool for a few hours. Not a bad sight I should tell you. Locals buzzing around in a slightly less frenzied state than the tourists, but then locals always do.

So yeah.

All this insane shenanigans, flying thousands of miles, uprooting myself (again), generally not having any time to check the interent, visit my support network sites or just be “normal” (which let’s be honest I hardly am anyway) is taking it’s toll on the state of my mind somewhat but I am (a) too exhausted (b) too confused and (c) too much in an internal mixed state to even begin to explain the ramifications of such activity on the state of a bipolar mind right now.

When the mood has settled down a little, when the mania has subsided a little, I’m sure it will come. Until then I will watch the stars and try and actually stop for two seconds to take in what is currently happening; something I have yet to do at any point in time over the last 14 days.

It’s been about eight months since this blog first started on Blogspot.

It’s been about five months since this blog first moved across to Wordpress.

It’s been about three months since this blog first took up residence this domain.

Throughout this time I have been fighting hard to understand, control, combat and manage my mental illnessesas well as my physical ones. I have battled throughout the majority of this time by myself, with some steadfast wonderful people in the wings to support and offer friendship at times when I thought no-one cared. Then there are the wonderful people who I have met through the blog, and have commented and supported it (and me) throughout it’s various guises.

So it’s nice for me to actually be able to post some good news for a change :)

As most of you are aware things have been ludicrously tough for me over the last eighteen months. Since getting my depression, self harm and social anxiety under control in late 2006/early 2007 things just spiralled unfairly out of control. I have battled and fought hard to make things work, but every time I got anywhere it was almost as if fate had decided I was not deserving of it and consistently threw up barricades and fresh hurdles for me to attempt to vault over. I fell at some, and others I am no where close to overcoming - rather sidling around them hoping no-one would notice and I’ll deal with them in twenty or so years (that’s even if I do!)

Well, all this hard work which has exhausted me physically, emotionally and mentally to the point that even seven days ago I was thinking of giving up,  has paid off a little.

On Monday I was offered one of those jobs you’d be an idiot to turn down.

Just five days ago now…and tomorrow, everything changes, yet again!

For tomorrow I leave Melbourne indefinitely, bound for Sydney for some training and then onto Alice Springs - slap bang in the red heart of Australia - to take up full time employment.

Now I’ve never been to Sydney before.

Nor have I ever been to Alice Springs before.

So the thought of moving there is a little daunting. Plus, it hasn’t sunk in at allyet so come tomorrow I’ll probably be a humongous barrel of nerves and flighty feelings…then when I get to Alice things will be very interesting.

New town.

New job.

New place to live (when I actually find one - man, to have a “home” again!)

Same old hallucinations to keep me company :)

So for a little while I expect this blog veer away from the ‘wacky-crazy-kinky mental illness awareness stuff; with the odd bit of nudity thrown in for fun times’ into more of a ‘wacky-crazy-kinky travelogue of Addy’s escapades in Sydney and Alice; with the odd bit of nudity thrown in for fun times’.

I’m gonna be exploring a new city for the next week, the biggest in Oz, and far more recognisable to people around the world then wee little Melbourne is. So hopefully there will be pictures, ya never know.

So yeah, things have just got very interesting; daunting, frightening and a mite anxiety inducing - but very interesting in another way also; exciting, awesome and a mite smile inducing.

It’s funny how life is sometimes.

For the first time since February 2007 - I have a future “life“, rather than merely a future “existence” :) 

Until Sydney…be safe, be well, be happy.