Overcoming Mental Illness

My life since deciding to cease writing the blog has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, as is often the case in the life of someone suffering from bipolar. My physical and mental health has been deteriorating, slowly, but I’m working hard to find the strength to keep fighting on and rebuild my life as best I can. I guess the ultimate goal is to find some form of normality which will allow me to feel as comfortable as I am able.

Since writing the last post all those weeks (months) ago:

• I was (finally) given some medication, which I have been taking for nearly two months now. At this point a combination of Depakote and Citilopram. I am slowly weaning myself off the Citilopram, as per instructed, and am currently taking 750mg Depakote a day to try and stabilise my moods. So far, so-so. I’m still up and down, and right now am descending into a down with the odd glimmer of possibly entering a mixed episode as flashes of hypomania keep recurring. My weight is increasing as a result of the Depakote, a common side effect, and other side effects have been recurrent and continuous  with some fading quicker than others.
• My brother got married. Although the day was hard for me to get through, with all the social anxiety etc etc etc which has been talked about before, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I got to wear a kilt, and I have to say I felt absolutely marvellous all day. I’m considering purchasing one just to wear on a daily basis, they’re that comfortable. All those guys looking stiff and uncomfortable in their suits - and me swaying around with a kilt. Awesome!
• I am now back in Australia, Melbourne to be exact. That’s really a whole other post which I’m sure will follow in time, but it feels wonderful to be back. However awesome it was to be in the UK again and see places I never thought I would, it made me realise what I always knew - which is that Melbourne is my home now. It always will be. And if I’m going to try and make my life anywhere close to what I want it to be; this is where I want to be.

As for the blog, things will probably be a little different than it was before. Back then I was struggling with so much; severe depression, self harm, bipolar diagnosis, struggling with anxiety and PTSD, fighting for help and medication, trying to come to terms with crippling loneliness and isolation, daily hallucinations and periods of mild psychosis, homelessness and frequent suicidal thoughts. In all honesty all of the above still applies (I have to say, after researching Depakote and learning that a side effect of the drug is recurrent self harm and suicidal thoughts, I can say that this is indeed true!) my life is lonely and frequently I don’t cope, but I am working hard to fight on as I always have. I’m sure posts on mental illness will still be present, but I plan to share a little more about what makes me a person, what makes me ‘me’; Addy.

This is kindof what I had originally planned when the blog commenced, so I guess I’ll just see what happens. See whether anyone still reads, and see what ends up occurring :)