Overcoming Mental Illness

Poached eggs on toast with the most ludicrously small portion of spinach I have ever seen. This portion of spinach was so minuscule you were seriously left wondering how eating it would ignite the muscles in your arms Popeye-style and give you the strength to get through the day. The poached eggs were wonderful, as was the bread, just a darn shame about the spinach. Sitting across from me was - shock - not an empty chair, but one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known.

“Why didn’t you phone me?” She asked.

“I wanted to,” I said back.

She just gave me one of her looks, a look I know well.

“I guess I just didn’t want to bother you,” I added.

Another look.

One of the most common and recurring problems in today’s world seems to be asking for help. Everyday people are having problems with work, relationships, finance, legal issues, health, family, their pet wombats…the list is interminably endless. Yet, asking for help with a problem from anyoneis increasingly becoming one of the hardest things in the world. Perhaps fear of appearing weak, needy or incompetent is the primary cause - three things which none of us wish to appear to be, as is no doubt evident from the wealth of posts on my blog dealing with similar issues and frustrations.

For some reason we all like to believe we have red, blue and yellow Lycra suits on underneath our daily clothes so that whenever we feel like it we can loosen our ties (or brassieres) and reveal that we are actually from the planet Krypton - or just someone with a fetish for wearing our underwear on the outside. Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind so much if I girl I was seeing dressed up as Supergirl for a night of kinky fun as I’ve always had a self confessed superhero fetish, but reality alas always gets in the way.

“C’mon, when do you ever ask for help?” I questioned.

A pause.

“Do what I say not what I do,”

Such wonderful words. Do what I say and not what I do…oh how many times have I heard those in my life? It’s funny how they always seem to come about when the giving of advice is involved; surely leading by example is a far better way to be. Although if I were to leap off a cliff, break 326 bones, spend several months in traction I would probably then tell someone to not jump off a cliff - which would I suppose be a good example of do what I say and not what I stupidly did which caused me months of emotional and physical pain. Anyway, I digress, for this post is surely about Superhero fetishes isn’t it…

…well, actually not, but then surely I’m allowed to dream ;)

ASKING FOR HELP!

WHY IS IT SO HARD!

We don’t ask Superheros for help do we? They just swoop on in and save the day, that’s why they’re super and heroic and look sexy in their skin tight costumes. What is it about those four simple letters which makes it so hard for the majority of us to say?

I can’t speak for everyone, but what I can do is tell you my story of why I find it so hard to ask for help - and then you can all click on the “submit comment” button and tell me your stories and then maybe we can get to the bottom of this perplexing issue and create a new world order where help is not a reviled word to be feared, but is actually something which proves how strong we are.

Okay, so my issues with asking for help stem primarily from my social anxiety disorder but when I was back in my prime and had overcome depression, self harm and all that in the few months pre-breakdown I was feeling much better about myself in everyway. I actually felt that if I had put on a Spiderman costume (my own personal superhero outfit of choice) I would actually have looked like Spiderman instead of some chubby guy in a suit which caused people to vomit because it was just way too tight for public viewing. So I did actually, on occasion, ask for help. Or rather there was one specific occasion where I tried asking for help before anyone offered it, before I went days or weeks without trying to indicate there was a problem, for the first time in my life it was “frack, I have a problem, I need help, okay, I’m gonna ask for it!”

So I sat down and tried asking for help…

…then came the criticism, the heartfelt words of ‘bugger off your problems aren’t important” then came the dumping and the breakdown and the months of turmoil and loss of social network and friends and everything I’ve had. Me attempting to ask for help with a CLL diagnosis was a major catalyst for everything that happened. 

So is it any wonder I have a pathological fear of asking for help? When one of the only times I’ve ever done it in my life the reaction it received cost me virtually everything in my life bar one thing. My own misplaced belief in myself, which even itself wavers from time to time.

I would LOVE to be able to ask for help more often. I get messed up sometimes, very very very much so, and sometimes all I need in those moments is to speak to someone about anything - crickets, jam, koalas, Tibet, the state of the political situation, Lego Indiana Jones, yaks - and it just takes my mind off things to ease me back into control. Yet, because I don’t ask for help I end up cutting myself, or taking overdoses, or hiking 50odd kms to the Dandenongs with a scarf in hand. 

What’s weaker - asking for help or ending up in hospital staring at blank ceilings when you want to be looking at a friend?

[This post makes no sense. Maybe it's the hyper-manic state I'm in coupled with shock and confusion from the events of the weekend which I still haven't really come to terms with. Maybe I shouldn't even post it.]

I just want to know what others think. Why is asking for help so hard? Why does it make us feel like a shit person? I’ve just explained my reasons, so what do others think? Or am I completely wrong and is not asking for help selfish.

My friend (and it feels good to write that) said to me as I finished off my poached eggs:

“I would much rather you bother me before you did something like that than tell me afterwards,”

Which is true. Because I’m the same. If Supergirl, Superman, Spiderman or any of the whole pantheon of Superheros we drool over each night were to land in front of us a couple of days after the city had been destroyed you’d be PISSED! You’d have a go at them for not helping sooner.

If you don’t ask for help then you won’t get any. If you try and deal with everything by yourself, you’ll end up like me.

Don’t end up like me.

One word. Four letters. H E L P. Use it whenever you need to. Your friends - your true friends - will always listen.

[PS...hands up if anyone thinks I can write a more confusing and badly written post than that. Blimey. I need a drink]

So there I am on a Friday afternoon in Melbourne.

Completely knackered.

It’s been a long day already and it’s only about 2pm!

I’ve been bothered by a nasty cold all week so my physical health is drained, and what with the myriad of other physical problems I deal with each day, colds are not at all just minor niggles for me. It hurts - and I mean hurts! An after effect of the fact I struggled to overcome glandular fever but that’s a whole other story!

I’m also going through this vicious mixed episode and the ridiculous roller coaster of manic-ups and treacherous lows every second, minute and hour of the day. Will I ever be able to just be on an even keel? But again, that’s a whole other story!

Thus my mood isn’t great when I haul my reasonably cute butt out of bed in the morning and go through the whole process of getting up and trying to battle on with the day ahead. Not easy at the moment. It would be easier should something be there to look forward to, but an early morning escapade to the outer eastern suburbs of Melbourne is not something to really look forward to when you’re battling mixed episodes, physical pain and physical illnesses. Anyhows, I have to do it all in 2 hours, due to momentarily forgetting that if you scan your 2hr metcard through the machines just after the hour it takes the 2 hours to be from the next hour (so if you swipe it at 10:01am it takes the two hours from 11am, thus you get three hours for the price of two - bargain! - whereas if you swipe it at 9:56am it takes it from 10am, which is what I did yesterday. Dope!)

I get out there, do my business of checking out places to live and have forced conversations to try and make myself out to be someone who at least has some reasonable grasp on his sanity. Not easy right now. And then have to rush back to the chaotic wonder of the city before the metcard runs out and I get slapped with either buying a new ticket or forced to pay a fine upwards of $150 because I didn’t think to wait five minutes!

By the time I drag my reasonably cute butt back to the hostel I’m completely knackered, legs wobbling from all the exertion and pain firing away from all corners of my body. It’s been like that for a fortnight really, so much to do, so little fun. So I end up leaning against the wall of the shower having a bit of a knackered cry before deciding to go down the self-harm route to at least give me the release I need to get through the rest of the day.

I don’t like doing it. Sometimes though when you’re working so hard and making so much effort and those mood swings keep oscillating I just end up doing it. Nothing too serious, a few slices here, a few cuts there. I have antiseptic wipes, plasters and bandages on hand to clean and wrap so it’s not as if I don’t know what I’m doing.

So when I get back to the room I am in a bit more pain than I had been before, but this is manageable pain, this was the pain I needed to help calm me down and refocus before my afternoon onslaught in the rebuilding of Addy’s life. I just hadn’t countered on an impromptu 45 minute phone interview which came with no warning.

Now remember all those old-adages about when you’re nervous imagine people naked. Well I was nervous, and keeping a close eye on the cuts and blood, but I wasn’t imagining the person at the end of the phone naked - I was naked. As I was through the whole interview, whilst trying not to let the blood drip too much onto the bed and whilst attempting to apply a bandage unsuccessfully with one hand. Not easy. In fact proved impossible. So I gave up at the 20minute mark and I’d deal with the pain and blood stain later, as long as I came off on the interview as reasonably sane.

Interview done I throw myself back down and check the cut, the blood has pretty much stopped but it hurts and it needs a wee bit of attention. So I grab the antiseptic wipes and being somewhat delirious from fatigue and emotional/mental exhaustion go to sort it out. BRING BRING. BRING BRING. Another phone call. Which I have to answer ’cause it’s the job agency I’m with so again have to sound all professional and with it, which I attempt, and sure the phone call becomes the most random I think I’ve ever been on the phone. All confused blabbering and incoherent speech. I can’t even really recall what I’d been saying. Annoyed with that I apply the treatment to my cuts, grab my jacket and swing out the room. (Or rather, when I say ’swing’ I mean hobble, as the majority of the cuts were on my leg so walking was a little difficult.)

I

Need

Alcohol

!

Which really isn’t a good idea given the mixed episode, cold, physical health issues, recent self harm, stressed mood and cavalcade of frustration: but after three whiskys and three Coopers I’m rather bouncy. Who wouldn’t be. After a fourth Coopers I’m positively, well, hyper, and well, manic. Hypermanic in fact.

I end up in my usual internet place randomly inviting anyone I fancy to be my Facebook and Myspace friends, typing obscure wall messages which I can’t remember and then cracking onto a few people in various different forms, forums and groups. I really don’t remember much after that aside from prancing around the city occasionally breaking into song and tap dance routines perfected in the Adelaide casino last year whilst cracking onto people in the flesh this time and getting the odd slap (good and bad) in return.

You see that’s why alcohol, medication, self harm, bipolar, physical & mental health problems do not a good combination make.

Alcohol is a depressant, but it’s one of those lovely and weird depressants which makes you high first - and with the on-sweep of emotion, fatigue, pain and ever-changing-moods I’d been experiencing all day - it was only ever gonna do two things. Make me too sick to move or induce a manic period. Fortunately the manic period has faded a little and as I type this am feeling what can only be described as a bitch of a hangover and ever so somewhat fading back into my shell of depressed loneliness.

At least though I know how to induce small periods of mania if I want to, maybe I should experiment and see if I can make them last longer, people seem to like me when I’m manic. I don’t like myself much, but other people take to me far more than when I’m just being “me”. Is there a lesson there I should learn? Maybe if I didn’t have a hangover I’d be able to see it a bit more clearly.

On the upside I have ended up with a few more Facebook friends, I have no idea who they are or anything about them but they’re there, and I’ve got a few more MySpace friends as well which is kinda cool. No fall out yet from the other stuff I did; haven’t quite had the nerve to check my messages yet.

Maybe later.

Maybe I’ll need some more Coopers afterwards :)

See that neat little play on the title there, blimey I’m a clever wee lad aren’t I :p

Anyhow.

I wanted to try and allow this blog to grow a little, expand it’s horizens and impacts and as well as offering the power of ‘commenting’ I’ve decided to introduce a wee community space where people can gather, chat and debate issues which relate to mental health and the related conditions we deal with and fight against every day.

This can be found here: www.myjourneywithdepression.com/community

And anyone is welcome to join, whether you are a reader of this blog or not - even if you’ve never read a single word of the blog you’re welcome to join :)

As I say, it’s very new at the moment (ie - only 1 member, moi) but you never know it may grow as. For as the song says, ‘from little things, big things grow,’ so feel free to sign up and get involved. You don’t have to use your name (and this is strongly advised) so whatever is posted or commented will remain as confidential as you choose.

So check out the new community space now available through the blog.

: Discuss Interests : Chat about your Conditions : Find and Make New Friends : Have a spot of fun :

- Visit the Community Forum Here -

When I get the time and frame of mind I love surfing around the wonderful blog community to see what other souls are writing about. Once I steer away from the “how to blog” blogs - exactly how many of these are there these days, aren’t we experiencing a little overkill? - I come across some wonderful wee communities, thoughts and lives which are delightful to dip into.

Seaneen, on the excellent Pole to Polar, wrote The Internet Told Me I Had Cancer. There are so many of these ’diagnose’ yourself tests on the internet these days, and going from this post, far more than I actually realised there were. Never having done any of them myself - I have enough wrong with me right now - I can’t vouch for their results.

Meanwhile, on the equally brilliant A Never Quiet Mind, Zathyn writes about Antidepressants and the Placebo Debate. With all the news lately about medication, prozac and it’s merits for those with depression the terms ‘mild’ and ’severe’ seem to have been lost in the mix. Having had virtually no sucess with any of the medication I have yet taken - especially it’s bipolar triggering effects within me - I am firmly under the belief that a placebo, for those with severe depression and mental illness is useless. But that’s just me, what do you think? He also mentions on his blog about the recent heat wave in Adelaide, which, given my love for that city and also Australia was plesantly nostalgic reading; though I’m glad I wasn’t actually there at the time! 

I also loved Pandora’s Boxes, a poem on Jane’s Writing, which is a blog I have only recently discovered and am relishing reading through all of her posts.

Then there’s the question how do I link to dozens of fantastic blog posts with only one link? Easy, by alerting you to the wonderful Carnival of MS Bloggers run through Brass and Ivory which this issue has some truly excellant articles for you to devour.

On a more lighthearted note, there is Simon’s Cat, which I came across on Youtube. So technically it’s not strictly a blog - but hey - it is definately worth checking out!

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And finally for this time, Scott Davis on Finding Your Marbles explores the benefits and practicalities of writing in How to Start a Healing Journal. Wonderful, practical advice for all.

Well, I hope you’ve found something new and interesting to peruse in your journey’s through life and cyberspace, no doubt I’ll be back at some point with more wonderful blog posts for you all.

One of the hardest things about suffering from mental illness is the damage that it can do to the relationships in your life. Family, lovers and friends are all dramatically affected in learning that you suffer from a mental illness. The stigmas surrounding mental illness can be so powerful that friendships which were once strong and ever-lasting will become nothing more than a fleeting memory in the sands of time.

So it is always wonderful to come across initiatives which are dedicated to educating and supporting friends of those suffering from mental illness. Understanding what your friend is going through it key to understanding how you can help and support them towards recovery.

About the “What a Difference a Friend Makes” Initiative

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) launched the Mental Health Campaign for Mental Health Recovery to encourage, educate, and inspire people between 18 and 25 to support their friends who are experiencing mental health problems. The prevalence of serious mental health conditions in this age group is almost double that of the general population, yet young people have the lowest rate of help-seeking behaviors. This group has a high potential to minimize future disability if social acceptance is broadened and they receive the right support and services early on.

The opportunity for recovery is more likely in a society of acceptance, and this initiative is meant to inspire young people to serve as the mental health vanguard, motivating a societal change toward acceptance and decreasing the negative attitudes that surround mental illness. Mental health recovery is a journey of healing and transformation, enabling a person with a mental health problem to live a meaningful life in a community of his or her choice while striving to achieve his or her full potential.

Our work is important. Discrimination and stigma have made it harder and harder for people with mental illnesses to keep a job, find a home, get health insurance, and find treatment.

This is a wonderful website and well worth a visit. Friendships, like any relationship, require time, effort and commitment.

Understand your friend’s problems and help them recover - in the long run, it’ll be worth it for both of you.

Visit the WHAT A DIFFERENCE A FRIEND MAKES initiative…

Welcome one and all to the Carnival of Mental Illness, so let’s wait not a minute longer…

—–ISSUE V—–

Articles and Discussion

Deb Serani presents
Chemical Signature of Bipolar Disorder posted at Dr.Deb
This post looks at the chemical signature of Bipolar disorder, and how mental illness is often neurobiological in origin. 

Isabella Mori presents
An Interview with writer Laurie R. King posted at change therapy
An interview with the mystery/thriller writer whose characters are often dealing with mental health problems.

Doc presents
Depression: A disordered mind, body and soul posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Romeo Vitelli presents
Saving Ezra Pound posted at Providentia

Jose DeJesus MD presents
Physician Rating System Supported by Governer Cuomo posted at Physician Entrepreneur

Shaheen Lakhan presents
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part I
and
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part II
posted at GNIF Brain Blogger 

Personal Stories

Doc presents
Depression: My Story posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Society Stigma

Peter Jones presents
Alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder: New Book posted at Great New Books

Shaheen Lakhan presents
Brain Damage: In the Clinical Dark Ages posted at GNIF Brain Blogger

The Suicide Taboo

Carole Gold presents
A Message for the Children posted at McKay Today

and my own personal favorite this month

Therapy Doc presents
Choosing a Therapy Doc, or is that a Dodo bird? posted at Everyone Needs Therapy

—–

The sixth edition will be released on:
26th March 2008.

Submission Deadline:
25th March 2008.

SUBMIT ARTICLE ¤ BLOG CARNIVAL HOME ¤ CONTACT ME

Following on from Part I (which you can read here), I’m continuing my look at great books dealing with mental health related conditions. In this second part, we take a look at books written by people who have had first hand experience of mental illness. These are their stories of the battles, trials and tribulations they have had to face.

—

1. Alone by Myself by Melanie Voss

“Just a few months short of her 18th birthday, Melanie, a talented student & aspiring writer, commits suicide. Through her writing, she captures the thoughts & feelings of a teenager dealing with all the joy & stress of being on the brink of adulthood.”

Without doubt one of the finest accounts of suffering from a mental illness that I’ve ever read. I stumbled across this book in my favourite second hand bookshop in Melbourne (Book Affair, Carlton) and never having heard of it before and having a few spare dollars in my pocket and an empty space where a book should be in my life I picked it up. This book filled that space for only a few hours - the time it took for me to devour this absolutely captivating account of a teenagers battle with depression.

The book is made up of a series of diary entries written by Melanie throughout her teenage years, up until her untimely suicide days before her eighteenth birthday. Her death has robbed the world of a marvellous literary talent, her writing is honest, heartfelt and for the majority of the time downright beautiful in it’s portrayal of a young woman unsure of her place in the world and her attempts to understand and overcome her depression.

This is such a hard book to get hold of, which is a shame, as it should be required reading for all teenagers and adults alike. It is fantastic in bringing to light the problem of depression amongst young adults and in showing the world that sometimes teenagers are not suffering from “teen angst” but problems far more serious and life affecting.

You can find this book on Amazon here if you are interested in tracking down a copy.

2. You Don’t have to be Famous to have Manic Depression by Jeremy Thomas & Tony Hughes

This is a book in three parts, and it’s layout is such that I could include it not only in this part of my book features but also the next part (dealing with non-fiction). The first part of the book is a series of interviews between manic depressive Jeremy Thomas and his doctor of many years, Tony Hughes. It is a revelatory account of someone suffering from manic depression and debunks several of the myths and preconceptions surrounding the illness. It is a gloriously entertaining read packed with humour and insightful comments. The second part of the book is a series of “articles” written by other sufferers of manic depression talking about how the illness has affected their lives and how they’ve coped. The third part of the book is in appearance a brief encyclopedia of mental illness which at first view would appear pretty darned boring. However, infused with the wit of the authors is a compelling read from A-Z (or just as a way to look something up should the need arise)

I found this book by accident at my local library last week when I was looking  for I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (which I talked about last week) and am currently plowing through it during the odd moments I have the attention required to read.

This comes highly recommended (and if you fancy winning yourself a copy, check out the exclusive subscriber only competition on this blog!)

3. Bloodletting by Victoria Leatham

So few books have been written on the subject of self-harm, let alone books dealing with the personal account of a self-harmer so it’s fantastic to see a book available that is just this. Throughout her teens and twenties Victoria Leatham was a self-harmer, and this is an account of her life and how self-harm affected it. She discusses this taboo subject matter in an honest and at times ‘in your face’ style that in some sense is what this topic requires in order to smash down the misconceptions surrounding the issue. It takes a great deal of courage to write about yourself in such an honest style, and for this I have great admiration for the author.

—

So after those three books above I thought I would look at a few books which I haven’t actually read. As I mentioned above when I get into a depressed episode I find it hard to read, which frustrates me so, as I adore reading. Thus, as a means to get me reading again, I’m going to try one of the following (whichever I find first) and give it a go…and when I’ve finished I’ll let you know.

—

4. Depression and How to Survive It by Spike Milligan & Anthony W. Clare

“Spike Milligan reveals the dark side of his life in this book which is co-written with his psychiatrist Anthony Clare. He recalls the traumas of his childhood, his highly-strung mother, his largely absent father, the cruelties of a colonial upbringing and of sadism towards animals, the break-up of his first marriage, the mortar bomb which blew him up in Italy and the overwork which gave him a mental breakdown during the “Goon Show”. This book charts the development of this depression and his strategies for dealing with it were improvised, as both when he would get drunk with Peter Sellers, and clinically in his discussions with Clare.”
Find out more about this book on Amazon.

5. The Naked Bird Watcher by Suzy Johnston

“The Naked Birdwatcher takes you on the journey of a highly gifted young Woman from her schooldays to approaching her thirtieth birthday. A journey travelled though often on her own, never alone. It is a journey of a young woman’s awakening to the realisation of how her own mind which along with her athletic ability had worked with her to achieve the fabulous goals of her youth, begins to fight against her as she approaches adulthood and betrays her in her University years. A fight, we are unsure whether she will win or ultimately lose. We journey with her through her ordinary life (its ordinariness making the book ever more poignant) the battles, the triumphs and the defeats. The battles with her mind along with the battles she has to fight with some of those closest to her too blinkered to realise that nobody would make manic depression a life choice. The Naked Bird Watcher gives hope to those travelling with Manic Depression and those they take along with them. It also highlights the importance of having a support network to help you on your journey. Suzy it would seem has an exceptional support network, this will hopefully inspire those who could help a friend or family member with manic depression to try that bit harder to be there when needed. I have taken from this book that manic depression is a companion anyone could discover they have on their life’s journey; sometimes asleep, sometimes dozing, sometimes with them in their every waking minute. The aim and hope it would seem, is to find a way to get it to sleep and keep it sleeping. Everyone should read this book, it is an inspiration to all to see what can be achieved and how battles can be won if you believe in yourself enough and others believe in you.”
You can find out more about this book at Amazon.

6. The Rock Pillow: A Personal Account of Schizophrenia by Mark Lynne Folkard

“Staggering along through the night with my overnight bag, I made my way back to the trucking station. I was hallucinating badly again; I could see bodies and blood spread over the footpath and road in front of me. I felt as though I was walking through a horrific accident. The smell of blood and human flesh was on my own skin and made me flinch.”
Read more about this book at Bookworm.

—

So there we have it, six personal accounts out of thousands dealing with mental illness. If any of you have any personal favourites be sure to drop a comment so others can check them out, and stay tuned for a look at six great non-fiction books in the third and final part of this trilogy.

Okay, so you’re interested in mental illness and you have a love of books, so why not combine these two interests and read about mental illness. In this first part of a trilogy I take a look at some excellent books which have dealt with mental health.

Firstly, the world of fiction. Now, I could of course throw in some of the obvious one’s here (ya know, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Girl Interrupted) but I thought it would be a little more interesting to look at some books you may not have heard of.

So, as I’m always full on contradiction (what human isn’t?) I’ll start with perhaps the most famous…

—

1. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

It has been rather a long time since I read this book, it was somewhere in the hiatus between leaving school and beginning work at the Video Store when I read this book. It’s highly possible it was purchased in a wonderful yet now no longer existing book-store in Guildford, but that’s debatable. It deals with depression primarily but also covers hospitalisation, electro-shock therapy, breakdown and suicide attempts.

As I say due to the length of time since I read this book it isn’t very fresh in my mind, I may have to re-read it. It was one of the first novels which I read which dealt with depression, and really, it’s considered to be a classic for a reason.

2. A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby

A contemporary novel dealing with suicide. I read this a couple of years ago after picking it up on a cheap second hand book stall in Melbourne, it languished on my shelf for several months before I finally got around to checking it out. It’s plot concerns four strangers who meet up on the top of a tower block all planning to kill themselves and given the seriousness of the subject you’d be surprised at how funny this book is. Sure, you’ll feel a little guilty from time to time laughing along at this darkest of dark topics - but Hornby writes with such a deft skill and wit that you can’t help being carried along with it.It contains the perfect mix of melancholy, humour and depression and is a great book to get stuck into - even if it isn’t the greatest book ever written.

3. Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

A friend gave me this to read after I told them I was feeling depressed and suicidal a couple of years ago. It was quite hard to get through at the time, quite often when I am in my depressed moods I find it very difficult to read even a couple of pages let alone a whole book, so this episode didn’t help. I did however persevere and did rather enjoy this book.Not all of it, parts had me quite infuriated and angry, other bits had me wondering what the author was thinking. There were however some utterly beautiful sequences, sections and writing to wonder and behold at. I think Paulo Coelho is a bit of an acquired taste, and even though I haven’t read all of his work, this book did give me a taste to check out some of his other offerings.

 —

So after those three books above I thought I would look at a few books which I haven’t actually read. As I mentioned above when I get into a depressed episode I find it hard to read, which frustrates me so, as I adore reading. Thus, as a means to get me reading again, I’m going to try one of the following (whichever I find first) and give it a go…and when I’ve finished I’ll let you know.

—

4. I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg

“I Never Promised You a Rose Garden is a semi-autobiographical account of Joanne Greenberg’s experience with mental illness. This book was originally published in 1964 under the pseudonym Hannah Green in order to protect her family from the stigma that often accompanies a psychiatric diagnosis. When Greenberg’s family learned more about her history with mental illness, she allowed the book to be reprinted using her real name. In addition to the book making people aware of the stigma that comes with mental illness Greenberg wrote the book to give a realistic portrayal of the experience of mental illness. Deborah Blau is an adolescent who has been sent to a mental hospital, by her parents to be treated for schizophrenia after attempting to commit suicide. The book follows Deborah through the course of her stay at the hospital, flashing back to Deborah’s childhood while taking the reader to the world of Yr. Yr is a world of Deborah’s own creation that previously provided her with comfort and sanctuary, but at the time of her hospitalization it had begun turning into a frightening and condemning place for Deborah. Throughout the course of the story Deborah bounces between the “human world” and Yr unable to incorporate or choose between the two worlds.”
Read the rest of this review at Biblioreview

5. Red Tears by Joanna Kenrick

“Red Tears is a new novel for teenagers. On the surface it’s about a teenage girl who turns to self-harm when she finds things are getting on top of her. She is in her GCSE year at school (age 15 for non-UKers) and is being treated badly by her so-called ‘friends’. Overwhelmed by pressures from all sides (particularly from her mother, who wants her to ‘do the best you can’ all the time) she resorts to self-harm. But once you start, it’s not that easy to stop…”
You can find out more about this book at the authors website

6. The Province of Hope by Mark Lee Kirchmeier

“Johnny Verliebt is a young man with many lives. One is that of a college student from an affluent suburban family; the other is one of sleepless nights and racing thoughts that can only be quieted by alcohol and drugs. Soon after Johnny falls in love with a young medical student named Robert, he suffers a psychotic breakdown and begins life with bipolar affective disorder.”
Read more about this book on Amazon

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So there we have it, six fictional books out of thousands dipping into mental illness for their inspiration and material. If any of you have any personal favourites of novels dealing with mental illness be sure to drop a comment so others can check them out, and stay tuned for a look at six great ‘personal account’ books…one of which being my all time favourite book dealing with mental illness!

It’s been 64 months that I’ve been in Australia.It’s been 64 months of ups, downs,  highs, lows, excitement, misery, laughter and despair.

It’s been 64 months…wow…still can’t believe it’s nearly over.

It hasn’t really sunk in yet, even though it should’ve done. All the things I didn’t get to do are flying through my mind and joining up with all those things that I did do.

It’s been a long five years, it’s been an incredible five years, it’s been an emotional five years, and by fuck I’m gonna miss it here!

This is a month by month, memorable moment by memorable moment, account of my time in Australia.

This has been my 64 months in Australia…

A quick note on the links:
The links which are bolded will take you to a photograph taken by me.
The links which are italicized will take you to one of my blog posts on the subject.

…rather a hectic 64 months really! :-p

[digg=http://digg.com/health/Self_Help_Tips_to_control_Panic_and_Anxiety] 

There are numerous things I have tried and attempted in the past in order to gain control over my anxiety. They don’t always work as sometimes the power of the anxiety is too great, but more often than not a combination of the following do help to alleviate the oncoming storm of a PaNiC aTtAcK.

Some important things to bear in mind when feeling stressed of anxious are:

• NEVER and I mean NEVER make a major life decision when feeling stressed or anxious. Although it seems like the perfect thing to do at the time, in reflection it is not. Leave any major decision until you feel more in control of your anxiety.
• In a similar vein to the above, try to avoid sending emails, text messages or make phone calls whilst feeling stressed or anxious. You will regret these as often what you are writing is felt only during that moment of stress and anxiety.
• Take control of work: don’t take on additional hours or workload when beginning to or feeling stressed/anxious as this will result you feeling overwhelmed and adding to your anxiety.
• Reduce alcohol/drug intake. This can help but you’ll find only on a temporary basis and can lead to longer term problems of addiction and dependence.
• RESEARCH. Such an important thing, the more you learn about your condition, the more you understand you are not alone, the easier it will be to fight it.

So, here are seven basic things you can do to help control your anxiety:

1. TALK.
   As with all things in life talking about them with someone you trust and who you know won’t judge or demean you will help. This could be a family member, a kind and wonderful friend or a psychologist/counselor. Talking about your feelings with someone can help lift the weight of stress from your soul and also help you see other options which you cannot see yourself because of the anxiety.
2. PERSONAL CONFLICTS
   Many people find personal conflicts - both at work and at home - add to their overall and stress. If you are having problems at work, or in a relationship, or a friendship, work at resolving these issues. This can be difficult to do but is possible; perhaps seek help from a counselor in order to gain advice. Remember, the quote I have on the front page of this blog (top left hand corner): Never give up on someone that you can’t go a day without thinking about. Learn to let go of anger and forgive people their indiscretions else you will only find your stress and anxiety increasing.
3. ENJOY LIFE!
   The problem with stress and anxiety is that it always seems so hard to enjoy life when you’re feeling stressed - what with all those problems, concerns, worries and tears weighing you down. Try to do at least one thing a day which you enjoy! Go watch a movie, treat yourself to some ice-cream, have lunch with friends, listen to music, meditate, exercise…whatever floats your boat, get to it. Create and maintain a healthy balance between work and play.
4. EXERCISE
   Regular exercise can help alleviate stress and anxiety - there’s nothing like a good walk or run to help clear the cobwebs away. So throw on those lycra shorts and jump on a bike or strip down to your togs and jump in a pool, get your body working to get your mind all cleaned out.
5. MAKE NOTES
   When living with anxiety it can sometimes be hard keeping yourself focused on everything that you need to do. Often with me I find the anxiety seizing control as the day progresses so I lose focus on all the things which I need to get done. Having a simple list of actions which you need to complete can help with this. The trick with this is to keep it simple. If you set yourself a list of complicated and unachievable things to complete you will only end up adding to your stress.
6. SLEEP
   This can be very difficult when suffering from anxiety disorders, especially PTSD when the symptoms often come about at night, but a regular sleep pattern and a good night’s sleep can help alleviate your stress and anxiety.
7. ESTABLISH A DAILY REGULAR ROUTINE
   Another thing which can be tricky, but can help. I wrote a post about how to get through a day whilst dealing with depression which may also be relevant here. You can read this at my sister blog Eliminate the Stigma of Mental Health.

There is also a breathing and muscle relaxation exercise you can try:

Breathing and muscle relaxation:

These are two things which are very effective in coping with stress and anxiety. A combination of controlled breathing and muscle relaxation does wonders for your stress level so it is important to allow yourself time to do these. Try the following:

• Wearing whatever you like (Eskimo suit, underwear, absolutely nothing…just whatever helps you feel more comfortable) lie on the floor and raise your head a little with a pillow or couple of books. Your arms should be stretched out on either side and make yourself feel as comfortable as possible before continuing.
• When you are comfortable take a breath in through your nose, hold it for five seconds, and then breath it slowly out through your mouth. Repeat this procedure and keep breathing in this slow steady manner throughout the duration of the technique.
• Whilst taking a breath in, squeeze your feet as tightly as possible, hold them with your breath, and then release as you are breathing out. Repeat this three times, remembering to breathe with each squeeze.
• Then, continuing to breathe, repeat this procedure working up your body. The object is to relax each muscle in sequence whilst breathing slowly and steadily. A good order is: legs, butt, stomach, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face. As with the feet repeat each body part three times, remembering to hold each squeeze with your breath and release as you breathe out.
• After finishing do not immediately get up, allow yourself to lie there and continue breathing. You should be feeling a little less stressed by this point, so just lying there shouldn’t be too difficult!
• As you lie there start thinking about something or someone which makes you happy; fill your mind with positive energy and allow yourself to enjoy these thoughts.
• You can lie here for as long as you like, fall asleep if you want (and can) and permit yourself to feel relaxed.
• (BONUS TIP: If you have someone in your life (partner, boyfriend, girlfriend etc…) have them “talk you through” this technique. Whilst you are lying there they can, in a calming voice, tell you to “breath in, and then hold, and then release” and help set the pattern of breathing for you. They can then speak you through each body part, soothingly telling you to squeeze each part and reminding you to breathe. This can help SO much in relaxing you, especially if your partner’s voice is a calming and enjoyable thing to you. Having someone slowly telling you to breathe and squeeze your butt and then breathe is actually a joyfully relaxing experience.)

Now, the first couple of times you do this you may not be too successful as with all things in life it can take practice to get yourself into the right mood, and find your own order and sequence which you find most relaxing. It is good to practice this regularly, maybe every couple of days, to allow yourself a routine of relaxation which will assist in establishing yourself a routine (as mentioned above.)

It can be hard to do this though if you have a busy and hectic life, but remember you can control your breathing in every walk of life. You can also perform muscle relaxation at work (when you’re sitting at your computer just do the squeezing bits above in combination with your breathing and you’ll find yourself feeling a little more relaxed.)

And remember,

• Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s all too easy to end up giving yourself a spanking for failing to achieve one of your plans or attempted to control anxiety. Please remember that trying to control your symptoms is difficult, and not succeeding from time to time is not a problem. Instead of slapping yourself on the ass, pat yourself on the back for at least trying.
• Involve other people. Anxiety and stress can be a very isolating disorder so it’s important to involve people you care about. Merely planning a night at the theatre with a friend or lunch with a family member can give you something to look forward to through that anxious week of yours.
• Start slowly, however you decide to try and control your anxiety don’t leap in at the deep end. This will only increase your anxiety and do more damage. If you start small and slowly build you’ll find yourself achieving more each day.
• And please reward yourself, it will be hard work trying to overcome your anxiety (as with all mental illnesses) so treat yourself to a nice slice of cheesecake, a cinema trip, DVD, CD, trip to the beach…whatever floats your boat…every once in a while.

These are just a few of the basic things you can do to try and help control panic and anxiety. They can be hard things to deal with, but in time they can be controlled. Remember to keep working on it, and don’t give up.

If you have any other ideas or trips on controlling anxiety throw them in a comment and share them with everyone else :-)