Overcoming Mental Illness

Drumnadrochit, or Drum as it will hitherto be known, is a small township of only 600 (approx) lying midway up the North Side of Loch Ness. Which, unless you’ve been living in a remote cave somewhere in the Himalayan wilderness for the last century, is home to the ‘Monster’, or Nessie as she will hitherto be known.

There have been tales of strange sightings and occurrences at Loch Ness dating back to the time of St. Columba (the Irish monk who established the church upon Iona and whom attempted to convert the Highlands to the ways of Christianity. These sightings have varied from Sea Serpents and Sturgeons to the more mythical explanations; water kelpies and unknown monsters (i.e. Nessie)

It wasn’t until 1933 that Nessie sightings took off and began making a name of Loch Ness across the world. It was in this year that, following a somewhat biased article in the Inverness Courier (the local paper), Nessie sightings began to become regular occurrences.

Then, in April 1934, this picture appeared:

Without question the most famous photo of Nessie which has yet to hit the general population. Surely this shows the infamous Nessie in all her beautiful, somewhat blurred glory? Well…actually, what most people don’t know is that this photograph was released the press on April 1^st - All Fools Day! Yet for over half a century, until the late 1990s this photograph was widely heralded as the most concrete proof that something did indeed exist in this mighty loch.

Only it was then revealed it was a fake; it is in fact a toy submarine with a toy dinosaur stuck on top. Yet it was a photograph that captured the imagination of the world, kick started over half a century of research, ignited thousands of people into becoming amateur Nessie hunters, created a massive tourist boom around the loch and cemented the name Loch Ness into the annuls of history.

I will stress straight away that I am a believer. Colour me naïve, but I am positive there is something lurking in the murky waters of this loch.

If you haven’t been there, some basic facts:

• The loch is approx. 24 miles long.
• It is, in parts, over 750ft deep.
• The floor of the loch is as flat as a bowling green.
• There is more water in the loch than in all of the fresh water lakes in England and Wales combined.
• There is in fact 263 thousand million cubic feet of water in the Loch, that’s approximately 16 million 430 thousand gallons of water.
• It could hold the population of the world ten times over!

I will, however, stress almost as quickly that I am not saying it is a Pleiseosaur or other prehistoric creature. I said I believe there is something in the loch, which I’m sure there is. It might be a giant eel, a befuddled whale, a ravishingly beautiful naked mermaid or even a never-before-seen species of water based badger. It might be anything, because what it is isn’t important to me, what is important is that I believe something is there. And as Isobel says:

“No Mr Dempsey, you have to believe it before you can see it,”

I believe in Nessie, kelpies, dancing wee faeries and ever staring Gwyllions. I believe in bogles, brownies, wartless witches and ravishingly beautiful mermaids. We all need something to believe in, and the hidden magic of the world is what I believe in - well, that and the inherent goodness of humankind, but in today’s society this is getting harder to find than Nessie herself!

That’s just me.

However, until you have seen Loch Ness it is difficult to truly understand the scale of this body of water. This is no mere puddle or lake! It takes over an hour to travel from one end to the other, it’s over a mile at it’s widest point and there are so many geological and natural phenomena occurring in it’s waters all the time that it’s no wonder so many people have seen something.

In the short space of time I was there I saw three localized whirlpools created out of the weather and tidal conditions on and below the water’s surface. Otters and seals have been known to live in the water, and an explanation for many of the “horned head” sightings can be attributed to deer swimming across the loch.

[Click image for larger view]

It is hard to stand on the shore’s of the loch and not have a casual glance over the surface to see if you can spot Nessie. I do it every time I’m there, and this occasion was no different, I am yet to see anything which I can’t explain though. I believe in Nessie, yes, but I’m also willing (and able) to factor in those deer, whirlpools and water based badgers instead of allowing myself to believe anything my eyes throw up.

My excursion for the first day I was at the loch was a visit to the Loch Ness Monster Exhibitionin Drum. My last visit here was waaayyyyyyyy back in 1997 and my recollection of it was a half interesting/half annoying collection of monster sightings, brief history and recollections and an overwhelming sense of trying to convince you the monster was there. They have however spent a lotof money updating and transforming the exhibition in the 11 years since my last visit and I was surprised to find an exhibition which wasn’t in the “there definitely is a monster so go frack yourself” camp. Here is an exhibition which paints an honest portrait of not just the Nessie phenomenon but gives a stunning amount of information on the Loch and area itself. It’s history, nature, ecological function, challenging the visitor to think more about the loch as an environment rather than a habitat for a (potentially) long since extinct dinosaur. I can whole heartily recommend this exhibition to visitor’s, the cost of admission is well worth it, ad you can also skip through the fluffy Nessie kingdom of it’s shop at the end, if you so wish.

But who out there could pass up the chance of owning a pair of Nessie emblazoned knickers? Surely the ultimate in erotic apparel, no?

Meanwhile…

Whilst couples frolic in the Drumnadrochit hotel with their Nessie knickers in various states of dress, the mighty ruin of Castle Urquhart stands ever watchful over the deep waters.

My first visit to the castle was, again, in 1997 when I risked retribution and surreptitiously leapt over it’s walls after closing for a wee trespassing poke around. My second visit to the castle was in 2000, when I spent a couple of hours there with a lovely girl from the hostel I was staying at (a meeting which had occurred when I walked into her room whilst cleaning it and found her standing there half naked, and let’s be honest, perchancing to bump into gorgeous woman in their underwear is surely the point of becoming a hostel cleaner isn’t it?)

But, oh, how time’s have changed. You can now no longer risk a smacked bottom by illegally entering the castle as you’d break your neck with the drop they’ve created, and rather than walking around a few crumbling stones you can now learn all about the castle courtesy of their shiny new visitor centre.

Built in the 13th Century this castle has been pillaged, ransacked, destroyed, rebuilt, ransacked, pillaged, destroyed, rebuilt, ransacked, pillaged and destroyed more times than it’s conceivable to believe. In fact, pretty much every one who passed the castle during the 14th and 15th Centuries decided to attack the thing and try to seize it for their own! Perhaps they liked the view. But with everyone and their sheep attacking you is it any wonder the owners finally decided to blow the thing up themselves and move on to pastures new in 1692?

Many people pass their noses up at the chance of visiting this castle - why would I pay to wander around a few piles of bricks? They ask - well, as with the Nessie Exhibition above, I can whole heartily recommend shelling out those few pounds. The brand spanking new exhibition and visitor centre gives a complete history of the castle, and there is something very tranquil about wandering around the ruins of the castle. In fact, I would prefer to pay to walk around this form of castle rather than the complete examples - they’re just much more interesting, and oozing with delicious historical emotions.

And oh, all you Melbournians clinging to the strange fascination that you experience four seasons in one day (something I can’t adhere to having lived there for five years) in the two hours I was at the castle we had: blistering sunshine, a torrential thunderstorm, hail, more sunshine, gale force winds, more hail, a wee bit more rain then blistering sunshine again followed by a five minute snow fall!