Overcoming Mental Illness

A recent comment on my post regarding Emotional Abuse had me delving into my old blog to pluck this list of resources and information from the internet ether.

This list was originally posted on my Blogspot blog on 13 December 2007 but as all information regarding emotional abuse is needed and warranted it is worth reposting here.

There are a lot of people out there who are either in, or think they are in an abusive relationship. It took me months and several hours spent in the Adelaide public library to work out that I had been the victim of emotional abuse.

Collected here are some resources and articles which you could use to better understand your situation and ways you can deal with it.

Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support I

(A lot of these articles have been written from the POV of abusive man/victimised woman which I find a little frustrating, as more needs to be done to bring the “abused man” into the spotlight - but if you are an emotionally abused man just swap the s/he’s around and you’ll be fine)

Articles of Interest…

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On Relationship and Recovery
By Patricia Evans
An article which summarises a book on emotional abuse, very informative with insight from victims of abuse.

Emotional Abusers
By Natalie P.
An excellent “rant” on emotional abuse that made me laugh, made me angry and made me cry. It was like reading about my previous relationship (if you swap the he’s and the she’s!)

The Guilt of the Abused
By Sam Vaknin
An article about the how the abused often feel guilty or blame themselves for what is being done to them.

Emotional Abuse
By Steve Hein
An excellent resource of emotional abuse information, written predominantly from the perspective of abused teenagers/children from their parents but the information is equally relevant for the abuse in adult sexual/friend/work relationships.

Verbal Abuse
By Kerby Anderson
An article which includes a religious/biblical reflection on emotional abuse.

Responding to Emotional Abuse: How you can help someone you know
Includes some excellent information on how to help and support someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Facebook Groups…
These two Facebook groups offer information and support to victims of emotional abuse.
You will need a Facebook ID to access these groups.

STOP Emotional Abuse
Stop Psychological Abuse!!!

Recommended Reading…
Some books which deal with emotional abuse.

- Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse [Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray]
- Trauma and Recovery [J L Herman]
- Emotional Abuse: The Trauma and the Treatment [Marti Tamm Loring]
- Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse the Erosion of Identity [Marie-France Hirigoyen]

Then on 17 December 2007 a second follow up post appeared:

Emotional Abuse: Further Reading and Support II

It’s not that I’m obsessed or anything, but I’m really struggling to overcome the emotional abuse I suffered so have been spending as much time as I can afford trying to find new information and coping strategies to recover.So here are some excellent sites/blogs I have discovered regarding emotional and/or other abuse:Sanctuary for the Abused
A blog containing articles, links and support for survivors of verbal, emotional, online and psychological abuse. LOTS of information here I’ve only touched the surface of what they have to offer, but so far it is excellent, and come highly recommended.Abused No More
Emotional abuse recovery Coach Annie Kaszina enables women to understand and heal swiftly from the trauma of an abusive relationship.

And a couple more articles:

From the Abuser’s Point of View
An interesting insight of abuse as told from what the abuser may be feeling. Once again, the abuser is painted as a man; although in a lot of cases the abuser is male, it would be nice to occasionally find a sight which discusses the man as “victim” rather than “perpetrator”.

Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator
Another great article on eight ways in which someone will act if they are emotionally abusive or have the potential to be emotionally abusive.

Effects of Emotional Abuse
A nice article on what the longer term effects of emotional abuse could be if not dealt with in any way.

And with that I think I’ll leave my emotional abuse series for a while. It’s opened up a lot of scars I had forgotten about and I need to work on finding ways to overcome these issues, but with everything will keep you posted on my progress/lack of progress.

To all who are trying to overcome and understand emotional abuse, either as a victim or abuser, I shall give you a hug and wish you the best of luck.

Read
Emotional Abuse: Words are Just as Powerful as the Fist

Well, it doesn’t get much press, but last night social phobia hit the radio airwaves with a half hour programme discussing social anxiety disorder. The Radio 4 website described it as:

“Are those who are merely shy and retiring being made to believe they have a mental health condition or are we failing those whose acute anxiety in social situations blights their lives?

‘Social phobia’ was first identified as mental health condition in 1980. Now according to some estimates, up to 1 in 8 people in the US and the UK has this chronic and enduring mental health problem.

Some believe it’s the most under-recognised and under-treated mental health problem of the modern age - the cause of many people’s depression and alcohol addiction. If you cure the underlying social phobia, they say, the associated depression is much less likely to recur.

Others, however, feel that psychiatry itself has gone just a little bit mad – re-branding ordinary shyness as a mental illness.”

Now, for a start social anxiety disorder IS NOT shyness and I’m personally sick of the two being lumped together as one! When are people going to realise this? There is a huuugggeeeee difference betwen being shy and being a socially phobic person; most shy people will be able to go to a social situation albeit feeling anxious - but most socially anxious people will be cowering in the corner of their room at the mere thought of walking out the door let alone attending the social situation! Also, I strongly believe that medication is of no true help in overcoming social anxiety disorder. You can get drugs which can help control the feelings of anxiety, and you can get drugs which help control the depression which is often precipitated by the social anxiety but to my knowledge there is no drug which will fix social phobia.

So although it’s wonderful that a programme aired bringing social phobia into the mainstream audience I was a little disappointed with it’s overall content and conclusions.

You can visit the BBC Radio 4 website on the programme here
You can listen to the programme here

Welcome one and all to the Carnival of Mental Illness, so let’s wait not a minute longer…

—–ISSUE V—–

Articles and Discussion

Deb Serani presents
Chemical Signature of Bipolar Disorder posted at Dr.Deb
This post looks at the chemical signature of Bipolar disorder, and how mental illness is often neurobiological in origin. 

Isabella Mori presents
An Interview with writer Laurie R. King posted at change therapy
An interview with the mystery/thriller writer whose characters are often dealing with mental health problems.

Doc presents
Depression: A disordered mind, body and soul posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Romeo Vitelli presents
Saving Ezra Pound posted at Providentia

Jose DeJesus MD presents
Physician Rating System Supported by Governer Cuomo posted at Physician Entrepreneur

Shaheen Lakhan presents
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part I
and
The Top Ten Secrets of the Mental Health Field: Part II
posted at GNIF Brain Blogger 

Personal Stories

Doc presents
Depression: My Story posted at Mind, Soul and Body

Society Stigma

Peter Jones presents
Alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder: New Book posted at Great New Books

Shaheen Lakhan presents
Brain Damage: In the Clinical Dark Ages posted at GNIF Brain Blogger

The Suicide Taboo

Carole Gold presents
A Message for the Children posted at McKay Today

and my own personal favorite this month

Therapy Doc presents
Choosing a Therapy Doc, or is that a Dodo bird? posted at Everyone Needs Therapy

—–

The sixth edition will be released on:
26th March 2008.

Submission Deadline:
25th March 2008.

SUBMIT ARTICLE ¤ BLOG CARNIVAL HOME ¤ CONTACT ME

—1—
Strip naked (yep, get it ALL off!)
Go stand in front of a full length mirror.
Now, instead of focusing on all those moles, hair patches and love handles…
…concentrate on all the drop dead gorgeous things about yourself.
Yep, it’s bloody hard, but you can do it!
Try three things to start with.
Say them out loud to yourself - and mean it! Things like:
“Addy - my god - you have the cutest smile you’ve ever seen!”
“Look at those nipples, they’re damned awesome, how could anyone not like those?”
“And good god, look at that adorably spankable ass? Absolutely mind blowing,”
See, you’re starting to see yourself differently already…
…now do this everyday, every-single-day!
Adding one more thing each time.
Within a few weeks there’ll be nothing left you don’t love.
—————

REMEMBER YOURSELF WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL SERIOUSLY
AREN’T YOU JUST SO MUCH MORE FANTABULOUS NOW?

—3—
Single?
Lonely?
Sick of all those couples pashing, snogging and fondling in the street?
Beat them at their own game.
Go on a date with the person you love - YOU!
Cook your favourite meal (or order take-away), light some candles, throw on your favourite movie.
It sounds silly…
…but enjoy it…this is you time…anyway…
…the fun parts still to come!
What do all those sickening couples do at the end of their dates?
Yep!
So get nekkid!
And get that butt to the bedroom for some naughty fun and games!
It’s purrfectly natural.
So don’t go feeling all guilty about it.
Remember his is ‘you’ time - so love yourself in every way that you want to.
Your mind and body will adore you for it!
—————

—4—
It’s dead easy to beat yourself up about being wrong.
We’ve all been there.
Sitting there alone, bemoaning to ourselves about all our mistakes…
…whilst spanking our inner moppet for all those silly things we’ve cocked up.
Stop.
It’ll take time, but start catching yourself doing things right.
Instead of smacking yourself for messing up…
…hug yourself for doing something awesome.
You didn’t burn the cheese sandwich this time? HHHUUUUGGGGGG :)
Yay! You’ve remembered to take the garbage out! HHUUUGGGG:)
Bugger…forgot to sign the report…but hey, it was a damn well written report. HUUGGG :)
Get the idea?
—————

LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

—5—
If S.A.D is making you feel crappy what can you do?
(those not in the know - S.A.D is this case being Social Anxiety Disorder)
Talking is so hard isn’t it?
I know.
Been there.
Done that.
Always coming up with that awesome story or wit-tastic one liner about three days too late. Well, there are things you can do…
Start small!
Don’t aim for that big conversation first time out. Build up to it and you’ll be feeling so much more positive about yourself in no time. So to prepare yourself for that potential panic attack at the big night out with your mates on Friday, start earlier in the week.
a) On Monday, ask a stranger for the time.
b) On Tuesday, ask a shop-keeper about the weather. It’s a cheesy way to start but a small conversation will follow.
c) On Wednesday, do both Monday & Tuesday’s things for practice
d) On Thursday we need to up the anti - try start a conversation with a complete stranger. Make it about something you like so as not to throw yourself into the deep end.
e) On Friday, have your absolute favourite food for lunch. You want to feel really positive for that big night out - no chickening out now with excuses about being sck just ’cause you don’t want a panic attack in front of everyone.
And then by the time you hit the pub with your mates you’ve got several spontanious conversations with complete strangers under your belt.
YOU’RE AWESOME!
So starting a conversation with people who actually know you should be much easier,
Take your time until you’re comfortable,
Then start a conversation with the person you are most comfortable with.
This will ripple on to bring someone else in.
And another.
Soon, everyone there will be chatting because of you.
How awesome is that!
No panic attack.
So then all you need to do is try and have a fantabulous evening…because next week, you’re gonna do it all over agian - upping the anti each time. By the end of the year you’ll be feeling so much better about yourself.
:)

More ideas will be posted soon…so keep loving yourself until then…you are awesome :-)

Gosh, I should have written this yesterday but then I was a little out of it…and gosh, I should write more posts starting with that mighty fine word - gosh - what has been going on in my head today? Racing ecstatic thoughts, mind numbing tedium, utter frustration at banks and the bloody job centre! And - oh my - have I been fixated on sex today!

Ummm?

Ah yes, the hospital, what fun and shenanigans that was…

Anyways, the hospital. Was it a hospital? Not really, I suppose clinic would be the more apt term for the appointment I had. In fact I guess the term ‘the most boring building I have ever laid eyes on’ would be the most apt term, I didn’t realise until yesterday morning that a building could be so grey in both appearance, feel and colour. I smoked myself into a lung cancer ward, fought of mounting panic and anxiety and stepped through the doors with my long billowing Highlander/flasher jacket and was hit by a wall of sheer ice. Not literally of course, their heating had failed, which left everyone in the waiting room looking like icicles and caused the woman conducting my “assessment” to lose the power of hand writing due to the extreme dunes of frost which had built up on her fingers.

I am exaggerating of course.

The appointment kicked off at 9:30am, damned prompt as medical appointments go, and I swathed into the room and onto the chair where my leg proceeded to dance it’s merry jiggly samba (it has a predisposition to vibrate like something which, well, vibrates, when I am in such a state of anxiety) and she attempted to calm my nerves with small chit-chatty talk about the weather and the glory of being back in the UK. Glory? Glory to me is a fine-assed Big Bad from Buffy. There is nothing glorificus about being back in the UK! And then:

Her: So, tell me a little about your expectations and what you’re hoping to get in terms of treatment.

[Of course, with my brain the way it is at the moment (i.e. even though I am writing words onto the screen I am not thinking about them, instead, right now, I'm thinking about Glory because I just mentioned her - and well - she's a woman) the questions I'll be writing down as having been asked to me are not spot on word-for-word quotes, merely a rough indication of what was asked.]

Me: Ummmm, nothing.
Her: Nothing?
Me: Well, aside from the fact that I’ve been fighting mental illness alone for so long it would be nice to get a little bit of professional help - I mean that is what you do isn’t it? And, having been engaged in an all out war with the Australian mental health service for the last 12 months (12 months!) in which I lost ground faster than the Water Voles in their great struggle with the Mole kingdom of ‘75 and achieved absolutely nothing in terms of treatment other than various forms of anti-depressants which just screwed me up even more. No, I don’t really have any expectations really.
Her: I’ll just write ‘hoping for proper and effective treatment then’ shall I?

[Of course, I wouldn't take the words I'm writing here to be direct translations of my actual answers either - trust me - if I'd started talking about the great war between the Water Voles and Mole Kingdom in a mental health assessment I'm fairly confident I would be writing this post on the back of a stale cracker in a mental asylum.]

[Of course, I don't actually even believe their was a great war between the Water Voles and the Mole Kingdom, this was something I only just thought of to get my mind off Glory's posterior - and it worked - if only for those brief few moments.]

If I were to work through the entire assessment I’d be here all day. I had expected the appointment to last for about an hour, maybe less, but it was a whopping 93minutes I was vibrating in that tiny room looking out the window at the spectacular view of…a grey brick wall! Absolutely true! Yet more grey! There were three pipe ends which kindof looked like a face with it’s mouth open :o which reminded me of something which I’m now thinking about in respect to Glory.

It was basically what I have done so many times now that I have most of the answers on automatic response. The history of Addy and his insanity…basically what I’ve been talking about on the blog for the last several months. Which, yep, got a mention (go publicity!): all started at school…bullying…shyness…social anxiety…self harm…depression…hallucinations…kindof managed to get it all under control for a bit…emigration…Australia…BAM…nervous breakdown…massive relapse…the manic adventures of Addy in Adelaide…bipolar diagnosis…etc…etc…etc…and then all of a sudden, completely out of the blue, a question not a single person had ever asked me before. Not any of the GPs I’ve seen, none of the mental health gurus in Oz, no-one. Not a single person.

Her: So, tell me a little about your sexual history. Indiscretions? What age did it all begin happening? Any issues or problems in this area? Are you able to achieve an erection or do you require drugs or manual assistance? And tell me a little about what is psychologically going on in this respect.
Me: Ummm?
Her: …
Me: Errrrr?
Her: …I know it’s embarrassing, it is for me, but it’s something they will need to know.

[Of course, I had no idea who "they" were - the Moles perhaps?]

Me: Okay…I…well…I was a bit of a ‘late starter’…well…physically I was…well…what I mean by that was…ummm…physically with other people. I was actually quite young when I had my first sexual experience. I’m actually quite a sexual guy, I think about it a LOT and I’m a bit adventurous and when I’m manic - wow - tie me down!

[Of course, you can if you want to ;) And of course, I'm stopping the 'answer' there as I'm sure none of you desire to know about the inner workings of my sexual life...]

It just completely and utterly threw me! There was me expecting the same crap I’ve been through dozens of times now and I was suddenly talking about erections, losing my virginity and all that sexy slurpy stuff which is generally only talked about everywhere other than a mental health assessment!

Moving on! (See, told you I was in a weird one today!) The upshot of the whole assessment was that we covered each and every aspect of the ‘basic’ mental health (and sexual) history of Addy. All of it got written down on several pieces of paper and then as the clock kept ticking away as it tends to do, she pulled out three quizzes which had to be filled out. They were risk assessment quizzes and I had never done one of these before so I got a bit excited, not sure why, as it just entailed answering yes or no to a variety of questions - a tad disappointing as I was hoping for some general knowledge, literature or entertainment questions. Those quiz writers really should take a quiz in pub quiz writing styles to mix up their brain teasers a bit.

The three quizzes were:

• Do you pose a threat either physically or psychologically to another person?
• Do you pose a threat either physically or psychologically to yourself?
• Neglected?

And how did I fare?

• Zero. Zilch. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Nought. I am more likely to time travel than harm someone else.
• ABSO-FRIGGING-LUTELY! COMPLETE AND UTTER “SEVERE” GRADE ON THIS ONE!
• Kindof. The sort of boring result where I’m not in a state of utter neglect to warrant any concern, but you would avoid me in the street sometimes due to my apparent confusing odour and current bad taste of clothes.

I was at least hoping to win a gift voucher for scoring highly on the danger to myself quiz, but alas, all I got was a wee smile and a slightly increased vibration in the thigh area. Better than nothing I suppose.

And this concluded the appointment. She gathered her variety of paperwork together and told me what happened next…which is that they all gather together on Wednesday to have a laugh over my answers (I’m sure that’s why the sex questions were asked) and then they will get back to me in regards to further treatment (if any is applicable) which will either be an appointment with a medic, a series of counselling sessions or the swift sectioning of this utterly and ludicrously insane gentleman. Me? Gentleman? Sometimes I s’pose.

I billowed my way out of the clinic (love that quote, even if it does make me look like I’m gonna leap out and reveal myself from time to time) and instantly lit up a cigarette and all I could think about was why they’d ask that sex question…and why hadn’t I answered it better?

All in all though I can honestly say that it was a lotmore thorough, detailed and ominously could-actually-go-somewhere than any of the appointments I’d had in Australia. She actually seemed like she wantedto help rather than me being a disposition in her otherwise ravenously exciting day, which was how I felt at the culmination of several of my appointments in Australia (especially when they discharged me from hospital after suicide attempts - ahhh, let him go, he’ll only get in the way of our arvo pub meal if he stays) so this is a good thing!

I will of course keep you all updated on this ongoing saga as soon as the next development takes place.

— — 

And what of today I hear you ask?

Well, I’m not allowed to open a new account with a new bank as I don’t have an income, which IMHO is utterly bizarre, so right now am not not sure where the money from the great Addy-eBay-sellout is going to be paid into.

Plus, the ongoing saga with the Jobcentre/benefits agency is beginning to scale even greater epic heights of frustrating absurdity (and I haven’t even really started talking about that on the blog yet so why start now?).

Oh, and I went to Newport today (the nearest city) which is quite possibly the most uninspiring city outside of Cardiff. I went there to get a book from the library, one of the ones from my list I wrote the other day.

I’d looked it up on the web last night so knew they had it, knew which section it was in -  and when I got there - nothing. Nothing in the other sections, nothing on the online catalogue, nothing anywhere, even the staff knew nothing about it! What the hell? So when I arrived back home I immediately got on the internet to try and solve this puzzle and it turns out I had been looking at the Newport, Oregon library website. Thus, at least I know if I ever find myself several thousand miles away in a library somewhere in America they will have the book I want to read!

Moral of the story? Make sure you’re on the right website!

If you want Newport, Wales libray - go to this!
If you want obscure mental health blog posts from a guy who thinks he’s a lot like the guy in the picture - stay where you are!
If you want porn - follow me… :p

It’s been 64 months that I’ve been in Australia.It’s been 64 months of ups, downs,  highs, lows, excitement, misery, laughter and despair.

It’s been 64 months…wow…still can’t believe it’s nearly over.

It hasn’t really sunk in yet, even though it should’ve done. All the things I didn’t get to do are flying through my mind and joining up with all those things that I did do.

It’s been a long five years, it’s been an incredible five years, it’s been an emotional five years, and by fuck I’m gonna miss it here!

This is a month by month, memorable moment by memorable moment, account of my time in Australia.

This has been my 64 months in Australia…

A quick note on the links:
The links which are bolded will take you to a photograph taken by me.
The links which are italicized will take you to one of my blog posts on the subject.

…rather a hectic 64 months really! :-p

[digg=http://digg.com/health/Self_Help_Tips_to_control_Panic_and_Anxiety] 

There are numerous things I have tried and attempted in the past in order to gain control over my anxiety. They don’t always work as sometimes the power of the anxiety is too great, but more often than not a combination of the following do help to alleviate the oncoming storm of a PaNiC aTtAcK.

Some important things to bear in mind when feeling stressed of anxious are:

• NEVER and I mean NEVER make a major life decision when feeling stressed or anxious. Although it seems like the perfect thing to do at the time, in reflection it is not. Leave any major decision until you feel more in control of your anxiety.
• In a similar vein to the above, try to avoid sending emails, text messages or make phone calls whilst feeling stressed or anxious. You will regret these as often what you are writing is felt only during that moment of stress and anxiety.
• Take control of work: don’t take on additional hours or workload when beginning to or feeling stressed/anxious as this will result you feeling overwhelmed and adding to your anxiety.
• Reduce alcohol/drug intake. This can help but you’ll find only on a temporary basis and can lead to longer term problems of addiction and dependence.
• RESEARCH. Such an important thing, the more you learn about your condition, the more you understand you are not alone, the easier it will be to fight it.

So, here are seven basic things you can do to help control your anxiety:

1. TALK.
   As with all things in life talking about them with someone you trust and who you know won’t judge or demean you will help. This could be a family member, a kind and wonderful friend or a psychologist/counselor. Talking about your feelings with someone can help lift the weight of stress from your soul and also help you see other options which you cannot see yourself because of the anxiety.
2. PERSONAL CONFLICTS
   Many people find personal conflicts - both at work and at home - add to their overall and stress. If you are having problems at work, or in a relationship, or a friendship, work at resolving these issues. This can be difficult to do but is possible; perhaps seek help from a counselor in order to gain advice. Remember, the quote I have on the front page of this blog (top left hand corner): Never give up on someone that you can’t go a day without thinking about. Learn to let go of anger and forgive people their indiscretions else you will only find your stress and anxiety increasing.
3. ENJOY LIFE!
   The problem with stress and anxiety is that it always seems so hard to enjoy life when you’re feeling stressed - what with all those problems, concerns, worries and tears weighing you down. Try to do at least one thing a day which you enjoy! Go watch a movie, treat yourself to some ice-cream, have lunch with friends, listen to music, meditate, exercise…whatever floats your boat, get to it. Create and maintain a healthy balance between work and play.
4. EXERCISE
   Regular exercise can help alleviate stress and anxiety - there’s nothing like a good walk or run to help clear the cobwebs away. So throw on those lycra shorts and jump on a bike or strip down to your togs and jump in a pool, get your body working to get your mind all cleaned out.
5. MAKE NOTES
   When living with anxiety it can sometimes be hard keeping yourself focused on everything that you need to do. Often with me I find the anxiety seizing control as the day progresses so I lose focus on all the things which I need to get done. Having a simple list of actions which you need to complete can help with this. The trick with this is to keep it simple. If you set yourself a list of complicated and unachievable things to complete you will only end up adding to your stress.
6. SLEEP
   This can be very difficult when suffering from anxiety disorders, especially PTSD when the symptoms often come about at night, but a regular sleep pattern and a good night’s sleep can help alleviate your stress and anxiety.
7. ESTABLISH A DAILY REGULAR ROUTINE
   Another thing which can be tricky, but can help. I wrote a post about how to get through a day whilst dealing with depression which may also be relevant here. You can read this at my sister blog Eliminate the Stigma of Mental Health.

There is also a breathing and muscle relaxation exercise you can try:

Breathing and muscle relaxation:

These are two things which are very effective in coping with stress and anxiety. A combination of controlled breathing and muscle relaxation does wonders for your stress level so it is important to allow yourself time to do these. Try the following:

• Wearing whatever you like (Eskimo suit, underwear, absolutely nothing…just whatever helps you feel more comfortable) lie on the floor and raise your head a little with a pillow or couple of books. Your arms should be stretched out on either side and make yourself feel as comfortable as possible before continuing.
• When you are comfortable take a breath in through your nose, hold it for five seconds, and then breath it slowly out through your mouth. Repeat this procedure and keep breathing in this slow steady manner throughout the duration of the technique.
• Whilst taking a breath in, squeeze your feet as tightly as possible, hold them with your breath, and then release as you are breathing out. Repeat this three times, remembering to breathe with each squeeze.
• Then, continuing to breathe, repeat this procedure working up your body. The object is to relax each muscle in sequence whilst breathing slowly and steadily. A good order is: legs, butt, stomach, chest, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face. As with the feet repeat each body part three times, remembering to hold each squeeze with your breath and release as you breathe out.
• After finishing do not immediately get up, allow yourself to lie there and continue breathing. You should be feeling a little less stressed by this point, so just lying there shouldn’t be too difficult!
• As you lie there start thinking about something or someone which makes you happy; fill your mind with positive energy and allow yourself to enjoy these thoughts.
• You can lie here for as long as you like, fall asleep if you want (and can) and permit yourself to feel relaxed.
• (BONUS TIP: If you have someone in your life (partner, boyfriend, girlfriend etc…) have them “talk you through” this technique. Whilst you are lying there they can, in a calming voice, tell you to “breath in, and then hold, and then release” and help set the pattern of breathing for you. They can then speak you through each body part, soothingly telling you to squeeze each part and reminding you to breathe. This can help SO much in relaxing you, especially if your partner’s voice is a calming and enjoyable thing to you. Having someone slowly telling you to breathe and squeeze your butt and then breathe is actually a joyfully relaxing experience.)

Now, the first couple of times you do this you may not be too successful as with all things in life it can take practice to get yourself into the right mood, and find your own order and sequence which you find most relaxing. It is good to practice this regularly, maybe every couple of days, to allow yourself a routine of relaxation which will assist in establishing yourself a routine (as mentioned above.)

It can be hard to do this though if you have a busy and hectic life, but remember you can control your breathing in every walk of life. You can also perform muscle relaxation at work (when you’re sitting at your computer just do the squeezing bits above in combination with your breathing and you’ll find yourself feeling a little more relaxed.)

And remember,

• Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s all too easy to end up giving yourself a spanking for failing to achieve one of your plans or attempted to control anxiety. Please remember that trying to control your symptoms is difficult, and not succeeding from time to time is not a problem. Instead of slapping yourself on the ass, pat yourself on the back for at least trying.
• Involve other people. Anxiety and stress can be a very isolating disorder so it’s important to involve people you care about. Merely planning a night at the theatre with a friend or lunch with a family member can give you something to look forward to through that anxious week of yours.
• Start slowly, however you decide to try and control your anxiety don’t leap in at the deep end. This will only increase your anxiety and do more damage. If you start small and slowly build you’ll find yourself achieving more each day.
• And please reward yourself, it will be hard work trying to overcome your anxiety (as with all mental illnesses) so treat yourself to a nice slice of cheesecake, a cinema trip, DVD, CD, trip to the beach…whatever floats your boat…every once in a while.

These are just a few of the basic things you can do to try and help control panic and anxiety. They can be hard things to deal with, but in time they can be controlled. Remember to keep working on it, and don’t give up.

If you have any other ideas or trips on controlling anxiety throw them in a comment and share them with everyone else :-)

PaNiC aTtAcK…

…an ominous phrase if ever I heard one.

If you’ve never had a PaNiC aTtAcK be very thankful! They are one of the most painful, frightening and grueling experiences you can ever have. It is not overstating the fact that you honest to god think you are dying. Seriously. Your mind and body become overcome by a crippling pain which convinces you that death is about to touch his boney little finger against your shoulder and zap you off this mortal coil.

I’ve had so many PaNiC aTtAcKs in my life that I couldn’t even give you a rough estimated figure of how many there’s been. I can tell you the first I ever had, which was when I was 16 and walking down the street near my old high school. I spied out the corner of my eye a small group of people, including a girl I had a wee crush on, and the very thought of them seeing me was enough to send my mind into a downward spiral of eventual defeat.

The most memorable panic attack I ever had was also the most embarrassing. It was the one I talked about in this post and I have never forgotten either the pain I was in or the look of utter disgust and degradation on my “friend’s” face as she formulated in her mind her opinion of me as a weak and useless individual. That panic attack changed our relationship forever, and is what finally made me realize that people just do not understand panic or anxiety.

Anxiety is something that is often confused with stress. We all feel stressed from time to time, we’ve all sat exams or had job interviews that have freaked us out and set the butterflies a flitting in our stomachs. This isn’t technically anxiety. On many levels it could be conceived as being so, but really it is just stress, for as soon as the exam/interview is underway/over those butterflies quickly fly away.

Feeling anxious or suffering from an anxiety disorder is different. It is not merely the event which makes people anxious; it is everything to do with the event. It’s build-up, occurrence, aftermath, aftermath of the aftermath - anything to do with that event creates an unstable feeling in the brain which can, if left unattended, result in the most dreaded of things - a PaNiC aTtAcK!

Take for example this somewhat innocuous event from my life:

Last year I was invited to a trivia night at the Sherlock Holmes pub in Melbourne. Now I love trivia nights, always have, even though I’m not the smartest card in the deck (or is that what I want people to think *wink*?) I try to attend them whenever I can.

Unfortunately the night was cancelled due to the sudden business of everyone involved which left two people still able to attend, however as our combined knowledge would have meant the utter thrashing of everyone else in the pub we decided to spare them the humiliation of defeat and instead I was invited to go for a few drinks with her friends.

This is when the anxiety really kicked in!

I had been a little anxious about trivia, it’s all part and parcel of the social anxiety, but as I knew the majority of people who would be attending that gathering I was able to control the anxiety somewhat. Now that the plans had changed, and I was going out with people I had never really met before let alone had any conversations with, the anxiety threw itself up a few notches and eventually the panic began taking over me.

The smartest thing to have done would have been to phone and cancel, for the closer I got to the event, the more anxious I became - the whole vicious circle state of affairs - but as I was working hard to overcome the social anxiety and expand my social circle, knew it was something that I needed to do.

The mere thought of being in a social situation with people I didn’t know was enough to trigger intense anxiety. It really makes no logical sense, which is why it’s so hard for people to understand it. The anxiety was beyond stress it was beyond mere shyness it was a crippling state of fear about being “judged” by these people and in someway humiliated, be it by something they would say to me, or something they merely left unsaid and I caught in a look or backward glance.

[What made it harder was that one of these people I didn't know was Sally, who, if you've read back on the history of my life through this blog, you may recognize as being the lost friend of my life; i.e. the person I desperately wanted to call my friend but due to various conflicting circumstances (some anxiety related, others not) this never came to pass.]

The mere thought of being in a social situation with people I didn’t know, yet wanted to get to know, was enough to nearly trigger a PaNiC aTtAcK.

On this occasion it didn’t, I was able to suppress it long enough for it not to occur, but in suppressing it ended up doing what I always do; managed to convince people I was a snob (a common misjudgment for people who are shy or who suffer from social anxiety, merely because we do not say as much as other people, and are therefore assumed to think ourselves above them, that they are not worthy enough for us to talk to…either that or gay, both of which I had frequently in my life! And c’mon people, anyone who’s had even a cursory glance at this blog will realize how much I adore, cherish and worship the enigmatically curious gender that is woman.

Anyway, like with all forms of mental illness, those people suffering from anxiety disorder are often treated unfairly and unjustly by society merely because people just do not understand - nor it seems want to understand - exactly what it is we are feeling.

People are too quick to throw judgment and pass sentence before digesting all of the facts.

It’s the same as some of the high profile trials we see on TV: we as society have a quick read of the papers and automatically pass judgment of guilty beyond shadow of a doubt or completely fracking innocent! We seem to forget these “facts” we are hearing or seeing are being fed to us by the often sided-media as the reporter is weighing the story with her/his own beliefs. We don’t take into account any of the smaller details which we don’t get told, nor do we seem interested in finding these out. Just take a look at the public and community reaction to the West Memphis Three or Madeleine McCann cases for examples of this quick judgment call by the not willing to understand majority.

Mental illness, depression, panic, anxiety all works on the same level. People assume a weakness of character is to blame - whereas more often than not the person is one of the strongest on earth - but as soon as that label (or snob or gay or shy or whatever) is slapped on, it is done so with superglue and will never be torn off.

Living with a panic/anxiety disorder is a confusing, demeaning and painful thing. There are so many things I can’t do without being overcome with anxiety, things other people take for granted; getting on planes, having conversations with potential new friends, walking down the street, talking to the shopkeeper, drinks with friends…it takes a great deal of strength for me to do any of theses things, even knowing that when I do, all that’s going to happen is people will make a snap judgment as to who I am and that is all I will ever be to them.

In all honesty, it’s bollox! And by gum that word should be used in far more countries than the UK! There is nothing quite like saying that word, nor giving someone a good bollocking! So to all of you prejudiced against those with panic and anxiety disorders, consider yourself bollocked, because you are quite honestly, talking utter bollocks.

Now you can head to ‘Self Help tips to help control Panic and Anxiety

Or skip along to learn all about Anxiety Disorders (if you didn’t at the start of this ramble)