Overcoming Mental Illness

Yep, I was standing outside last night looking at the night sky - suddenly realising that all the stars are different - and I realised I’d missed one of my fave songs from my music page.

When I was going through my big “gotta beat this shit” push of late 2006/early 2007 this was the song I would listen to a lot! Utterly marvellous song, and has been a source of several in-public drunken sing-a-longs…the first of which was my leaving BBQ for my job. Several drunken people all singing along to a song we all knew only from a TV show was a rather wonderous moment! Granted at the time we only knew the few seconds which had been featured during the Scrubs opening sequence, but now I know it pretty much verbatum!

…altogether now…but I can’t do this all on my own, no I know, I’m no Superman…

BTW, the music video for this song was directed by Zach Braff, just in case ya didnae know!

Well, it’s been a rather ‘meh’ month for the blog really hasn’t it? It’s fairly obvious to all that my mind hasn’t quite been with it in the way it was when I commenced this whole project, but with this ever fluctuating mind I’ve been saddled with it’s sometimes hard to find the concentration required to write posts. It’s a bugger really, but I’m trying bloody hard at the moment following my final weeks in Melbourne - which really kinda stuffed me up!So without further ado I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, or rather, squeeze myself back onto this crazy space hopper that is life.

In terms of the blog I realised I haven’t really been giving it any love of late. If it were a relationship you could say I’d been giving it the occasional grunt before heading off down the pub for several pints before coming home and crashing out on the sofa a drooling pissed-up wreck (i.e. not exactly many snuggles)…but realising my neglect today I took it out for a slap up meal before coming off, stripping it naked and doing things to it which would make even a porno star blush!

Or in other words:

• I’ve been adding to the “About Me” page. One of the original provisos when I established the blog on Blogspot was to create a blog which wasn’t just about mental illness, but about me, so I’ve added a few pages which show a little more about my interests. You’ll find a music page, television page and a movies page, all of which contain several music videos and movie/TV exerts which I love, adore and/or admire. So rather than just reading a list of things I like you can experience them for yourself.
• There are also a few more photos of my good self, including the first photo of me in nearly twelve months! (Be afraid, be very afraid!)
• I have also been doing a lot of stumbling lately, so if you’d like to find out a bit more about the kindof stuff I peruse on the ‘net drop by my StumbleBlog. I use it mainly as a photography/art blog so there are lots of pretty pictures for you all to look at should you so desire, and if you’re a stumbler to, don’t forget you can add me as a friend if ya’d like.

• My Facebook page is currently out of action and I’m in the process of trying to get my account back, so all you Facebook addicts bare with me and hopefully it will be sorted out soon!

In terms of other areas of administrative excitement: (What? Some people have office/admin fetishes!)

• I’ve also been working on two pages in the Understanding Mental Illness section; they deal with Schizophrenia and Eating Disorders. Although I do not suffer from either of these illnesses (or at least they’ve never been diagnosed) I feel it’s important to add them to this section to give people a better understanding of them.

 Schizophrenia

 
Eating Disorders (coming soon)

• I’ve been working hard on trying to further establish the blog carnivals which I run in the hope that the next issues will contain a few more articles relating to mental health and a few less articles on how all we have to do is think positively and we will find our mental illnesses cured forever (i.e. the “just cheer up” approach) So if you’d like to help out in this area you can submit your articles below: 
  To submit to Cutting and Self Harm Awareness Carnival click here.
  To submit to Mental Health Down Under click here.
  To submit to Carnival of Mental Illness click here.

With regards to my sister blogs:

• Eliminate the Stigma of Mental Illness has been getting some lovely feedback but I’m not on a bit of a “contributor drive” so if you’re interested in sharing your stories and opinions on all topics related to mental illness quit hanging around and sign yourself up as a writerfor this wonderfully low-key yet highly exceptional blog (don’t blow my own trumpet too much, but a bit of self love is okay from time to time)
• All those stray thoughts is just enjoying sunbathing naked in the heat of exceptionally talented artists, so if you should so desire, you can peek over the fence and have an eyeful of some utterly marvellous art. It’s being updated a little more frequently now.

So even though it may not look like it from just a tertiary glance over these blog pages, things are happening, albeit beneath the surface. Help yourself to a wee poke around and see what you can unearth…and I’ll be back later today with Getting back on the space hopper…part II, which will be all I’ve been up to over the last few weeks - and where I go from here!

Let’s try slap this blog back onto track shall we. It’s been a rough few weeks, at the end (or is that the middle of) a rough twelve months…we shall see…and to begin let us commence with round 3 of the Starter for Ten quiz.

In the Starter for Ten series I attempt to answer any of the questions which have been thrown at me by my wonderful readers with the same honesty and bizarreness I try to inject into each of my entries.  

If you’re just joining us now you can review round one here and round two here, back on the old blog.

So, finger on the buzzers (even though I’m the only contestant) and let’s begin.

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1. Why dont you add “and all I ever will be” to the title?

I did actually kinda answer this with this post, in a roundabout incredibly depressing way!

However, I never considered adding this line to the title of the blog, partly because I hope that I will (at some point in the future) not suffer from the mental health conditions I have. Or in other words be able to control them enough to live as normal a life as possible. Or in other words, I hope that what I am now will not be all that I will ever be.

I also didn’t add this line to the title of the blog because the song which inspired it doesn’t have this line as part of the lyric - and I didn’t want to mess with contemporary song perfection :p

2.  I’m sure my partner has bipolar disorder. Will it ever go away even after taking medication?

I would absolutely 100% in every way love to answer this with a resounding YES!

However, I can’t.

From all of the research I’ve conducted since being diagnosed bipolar, it’s not cureable. It will be there in the background throughout my entire life and will never truly “go away”. Medication helps to control the symptoms/mood swings which are so difficult to deal with, but unfortunately they won’t erase the illness in the way that one can overcome the flu or glandular fever.

I also wished to make a note of something which comes to mind having read the way your question is framed. Bipolar is something which really should be diagnosed by a medical professional so if you believe your partner has bipolar it is best to speak to your GP and/or local mental health team in order to obtain the diagnosis, help and support which your partner (and yourself) will need in order to help control the condition.

3. How is it that you are so witty yet find yourself without friends? Do you make friends easily on the net because there’s a buffer or safety zone in the anonymity?

Witty? Up until now I can’t actually recall anyone ever having used this word to describe me. Not quite sure what to say now - you could however toast marshmallows from the warmth radiating from my blushing cheeks, so that’s something I guess, if you like marshmallows - or even just the thought of blushing cheeks.

I’ve never really understood why I don’t make friends easily. Granted the social anxiety doesn’t make it easy for me to start conversations, either in person or on the net, so that’s probably one rather obvious answer - but given the fact I do have a rather intimate understanding of who I am and that I consider myself to be a rather decent person you would have thought I’d have more friends than the resounding -zero- that I currently have.

Throughout this last year I have put a lot of time into thinking about friendship and the impact depression/mental illness has on it. Building, maintaining and growing friendships is hard enough as it is - let alone without the added burden of mental illness causing all sorts of dilemmas and issues. As is fairly obvious with this blog I miss my friends and the relationships I once had and the continuing downward spiral I’ve been in has only added to the difficulty in making new friends and ongoing relationships. I guess it’s not going to happen until  I have these illnesses under control. 

Even the safety zone/buffer you talk about in regards to internet friends is difficult for me to overcome at the moment, the social anxiety impacts on my life here as well and I frequently dissect and choose not to send some emails and messages I plan on sending because of the possible humiliation which may come from doing so. This can sometimes make chatrooms and emailing very difficult - yet another aspect of social anxiety which is often overlooked by the general public.

So I guess despite this attempt at an answer it’s not a very good one, I wish I knew why I didn’t have friends and why I find it so hard to make them, but I guess I don’t quite yet know…maybe one day.

I’ve been distracting myself today with further investigation into bipolar. I still don’t fully understand, nor have I come to terms with this illness, since my diagnosis in November. Rather than read more medical sites and health related blogs I turned to YouTube to see how other bipolar sufferers visualize their illness. Here are three of my favourites:

The first video we shall look at is called A Glimpse into a Bipolar Mind and in all honesty should be watched by everyone! So don’t think about it, not even for a second - wherever you are; lounge room, bedroom, bathroom, internet cafe, wireless connection in the depths of the Amazonian rainforest…watch this video! If you don’t understand bipolar even just a little better after this, then you don’t want to understand it.

What’d you think? Any thoughts? Leave a comment and share them with everyone else.

Check out the other two videos here…