Overcoming Mental Illness

Okay, so what the hell has been going on over the last several weeks? Eh?

Why the hell I’m asking you guys I don’t know, because by heck if I don’t know, how can I expect any of your guys to be able to work it out. All I know is that a few weeks ago I was sitting in 40+ degree temperature watching the scantily clad women wander by wondering why I’d been ejected from hospital after a suicide attempt, whereas now, I’m sitting in the UK watching the rugged up pseudo-Eskimos walk by in barely 5 degree temperatures wondering what the hell is going on (and where all the t’n'a have gone)?

Oh, and I’ve become obsessed with a CD track called All the strange, strange creatures which is one of the most inspiring pieces of instrumental music I’ve heard for years - and would be an absolutely kick ass piece of music to score my major manic phase of last year in Adelaide - but all that’s beside the point!

Because why on earth did I call this post ‘getting back on the space hopper’? I haven’t been on a space hopper for years, maybe I should, maybe that’s what I need, I mean how can bouncing around on an orange ball of rubber with a smiley face not cheer you up?

So in regards to being back in the UK, I am, to be honest, hating it! Yep, you’ve got all the excitement of seeing my family again, and the added excitement/nerves of finally meeting my brothers fiancee (which hasn’t happened yet, but I’m sure will at some point), but really, this is the UK. Aside from skips, fruit gums and proper chips (only to be eaten when planning on saving the world of course) what exactly is there in the UK?

It’s funny, whilst in Australia I would often get homesick. I’ve spoken about that before. Generally it would be every few months, with a major ’bout of homesickness occurring annually, usually just after Christmas. Now I’m homesick for Australia, because it’s been my home for the last five and half years and…well the UK, isn’t!

Now bare in mind that I have yet to revisit Scotland, of which you should all know I’m rather a fan of, and as this is the place I got homesick for I guess in a way I still am, but it’s like, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK just because they have skips, fruit gums and proper chips here. It’s not that I have anything against the UK, it’s just not my home any more.

So who the hell knows.

Basically I have no money, and I’m here for a reason, so it’s not as if I can go anywhere else at the moment even if I wanted to, which right now I do.

Stay tuned for Scotland though because…I am in the process of selling everything I own on ebay in order to afford it. So yep, genuine articles from Addy’s turbulent childhood and life are currently being offered for sale on ebay should anyone so desire to build their Dr Who collection, invest in random bizarre books and/or obscure artifacts which may one day be worth thousands as genuine Addy collectibles head over to eBay and check it out! You see it’s to raise money for my Scotland excursion which has and I mean has to happen at some point in the near future - otherwise this already crazy and insane mind will no doubt implode and I will just become a skip eating air-conducting lunatic for the rest of my days.

So very soon I will actually have absolutely nothing - I will have lost everything from Australia, plus everything from the UK - which is kinda cathartic, kinda symbolic and really rather upsetting. Especially as someone wished it on me last year and this means they’re wish is coming true which I’ve been fighting to not happen.

Pretty much the saving grace of being in the UK is that I should get the medical help I wasn’t able to get in Australia, because they just wouldn’t give it to me. I am currently not on any medication, my mood is oscillating like something which oscillates at an extreme pace and I am doing my best to keep everything under control.

I have an appointment with the mental health team on Monday morning, which should be fun. There won’t be any physical prodding (I don’t think) but there will be lots of mental prodding which I’m kinda used to now, but I’m hoping all that poking will actually lead somewhere this time. It’s getting somewhat frustrating how little professional help I’ve actually had over the last year, not without trying for it, so something would be good.

The benefits have also been applied for so we’ll see what happens there. They told me on the phone that I should expect something in about 6-8 weeks, which is interesting, considering I have no money and not sure how I can survive for another two months without anything to live off, but as with everything I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.

I mean without benefits how can I afford skips? I’ve been five plus years without them, how am I expected to go another two months?

So in the interim between now, Scotland and the future I am trying to get this blog back on track. I’ve neglected it and all of my wonderful readers over the last several weeks, basically because I didn’t, and in a way, still don’t want to be alive, but I am slowly working on that. I started the blog to assist the effort of fighting the stigma of mental illness so I will continue to do so in whatever way I feel like when I sit down to write.

If I promise to write more posts - and more interesting posts at that - then I’ll have to do it. Otherwise I won’t be true to my word and that would just be, well, naughty! And we all know what happens then.

To strip everything away (not literally of course) I have absolutely no idea what’s going on at the moment!

Don’t know where I am, where I’m going, what’s gonna happen, what’s happening at the moment, where I can get my next skips…in fact all I know at the moment is that I’m still here.

Which is really all that matters in the long run!