Overcoming Mental Illness

Let’s try slap this blog back onto track shall we. It’s been a rough few weeks, at the end (or is that the middle of) a rough twelve months…we shall see…and to begin let us commence with round 3 of the Starter for Ten quiz.

In the Starter for Ten series I attempt to answer any of the questions which have been thrown at me by my wonderful readers with the same honesty and bizarreness I try to inject into each of my entries.  

If you’re just joining us now you can review round one here and round two here, back on the old blog.

So, finger on the buzzers (even though I’m the only contestant) and let’s begin.

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1. Why dont you add “and all I ever will be” to the title?

I did actually kinda answer this with this post, in a roundabout incredibly depressing way!

However, I never considered adding this line to the title of the blog, partly because I hope that I will (at some point in the future) not suffer from the mental health conditions I have. Or in other words be able to control them enough to live as normal a life as possible. Or in other words, I hope that what I am now will not be all that I will ever be.

I also didn’t add this line to the title of the blog because the song which inspired it doesn’t have this line as part of the lyric - and I didn’t want to mess with contemporary song perfection :p

2.  I’m sure my partner has bipolar disorder. Will it ever go away even after taking medication?

I would absolutely 100% in every way love to answer this with a resounding YES!

However, I can’t.

From all of the research I’ve conducted since being diagnosed bipolar, it’s not cureable. It will be there in the background throughout my entire life and will never truly “go away”. Medication helps to control the symptoms/mood swings which are so difficult to deal with, but unfortunately they won’t erase the illness in the way that one can overcome the flu or glandular fever.

I also wished to make a note of something which comes to mind having read the way your question is framed. Bipolar is something which really should be diagnosed by a medical professional so if you believe your partner has bipolar it is best to speak to your GP and/or local mental health team in order to obtain the diagnosis, help and support which your partner (and yourself) will need in order to help control the condition.

3. How is it that you are so witty yet find yourself without friends? Do you make friends easily on the net because there’s a buffer or safety zone in the anonymity?

Witty? Up until now I can’t actually recall anyone ever having used this word to describe me. Not quite sure what to say now - you could however toast marshmallows from the warmth radiating from my blushing cheeks, so that’s something I guess, if you like marshmallows - or even just the thought of blushing cheeks.

I’ve never really understood why I don’t make friends easily. Granted the social anxiety doesn’t make it easy for me to start conversations, either in person or on the net, so that’s probably one rather obvious answer - but given the fact I do have a rather intimate understanding of who I am and that I consider myself to be a rather decent person you would have thought I’d have more friends than the resounding -zero- that I currently have.

Throughout this last year I have put a lot of time into thinking about friendship and the impact depression/mental illness has on it. Building, maintaining and growing friendships is hard enough as it is - let alone without the added burden of mental illness causing all sorts of dilemmas and issues. As is fairly obvious with this blog I miss my friends and the relationships I once had and the continuing downward spiral I’ve been in has only added to the difficulty in making new friends and ongoing relationships. I guess it’s not going to happen until  I have these illnesses under control. 

Even the safety zone/buffer you talk about in regards to internet friends is difficult for me to overcome at the moment, the social anxiety impacts on my life here as well and I frequently dissect and choose not to send some emails and messages I plan on sending because of the possible humiliation which may come from doing so. This can sometimes make chatrooms and emailing very difficult - yet another aspect of social anxiety which is often overlooked by the general public.

So I guess despite this attempt at an answer it’s not a very good one, I wish I knew why I didn’t have friends and why I find it so hard to make them, but I guess I don’t quite yet know…maybe one day.