Overcoming Mental Illness

2 Responses to “ What would you most like me to write about? ”

1. # 1 Sarah Says:
   June 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

   Exactly. Yes, I know this. It is a special experience (I’m not saying good…but special) just for a select few. I’ve found out what’s going on — there is a part of our consciousness, or life force which experiences itself as being separated from the universal conscious energy field - which we really are.

   You may have noticed that there is a deeper you…the one experiencing all those things…your being…life itself…that is who you truly are. Well, the part that is cut off is very unhappy about being cut off, and manifests itself as that pain. It has its own energy…its own vibration…the vibration of it’s special pain. Have you ever felt how distinct it is? Have you ever noticed how you can observe it? How you can see it so clearly. How you almost feel as if it is different from you? That’s because it is different from you. It is not you…it is not who you really are. If you can see it…then can it be you? You are actually observing it. So there must be a different you.

   You can call that cut off life force, or energy the “pain body”. The pain body is a very strong energy. Everyone has it to some degree, but people like those who know your story are experiencing a very strong and overwhelming case. What is actually happening is that the vibration of the strong pain body is drawing to it experiences which vibrate on the same frequency…the same pain frequency. It is actually attempting (and succeeding) to “live” through you. And to live it must feed on pain. Yes…it is feeding. If you start to watch, you will see this quite easily. It actually wants, and needs those painful feelings because those are what give it its existence…its very life.

   I know it’s scary, but there is an extraordinarily good outcome to all of this if you bear with me…

   O.K….what are we here, as human beings, to do? To bring consciousness into form. To exist as wholly conscious in the present moment. The pain body has a different agenda…to eternally mourn its “separateness” its “cut off” state. The pain body will mourn this eternally because it originally came into being as the belief that it is cut off…thus it can never be reunited. The thing is…the “cut offness” is not real. It is not true. Nothing can be cut off. The creation was made in God’s image, if you will, One. Nothing can actually exist cut off.

   So how does the pain body seem so real? Because it is a belief…in the mind. Thought is vibration…like everything else in the manifested world. The pain body is a creation of the mind.

   Notice the story that the pain body tells. Its story is that it is cut of from the conscious energy field…from life itself…from the sustenance of the life force, if you will. As it attempts to live through you, seeking the pain that it resonates with, it tells you…in your mind…various versions of the same story…they create the same feeling, no? It tells you that you can never be happy, never get what you want or need, that people are withholding these things from you. It tells you that you are somehow chemically unable to experience happiness (ahedonia), that you don’t deserve anything. That is the pain body. Do you see how the thoughts directly tell the story of being separated and unfulfilled? The pain body can find myriads of situations in human life to illustrate, and prove its “cut offness”. That is its reality. That is the pain body.

   Now…you are life itself. Can anything really exist cut off from…God, if you will? Or from the Life Force? You may know this intellectually, but what is going on? You don’t truly live within that belief…you actually favor what the pain body tells you. And in fact you take that to be yourself. You actually believe those things! This is a very scary situation…it is actually like another entity controlling you through your thoughts.

   But here’s the thing…you are not your mind. That is just a biological manifestation to allow us to exist as humans with a body. Do you think that when you die, just because the body drops you will cease to exist? Some do of course…but if you feel that there is something that animates your body…if you feel that it’s consciousness that gives you life, and existence, then you know that you are not your mind. Physicts have shown that it is consciousness which manifests matter…not the other way around. (You can research this by reading about survival physics.)

   You can easily observe that you are not your mind by taking a few moments to just sit quietly (easier with your eyes closed) and tell yourself…”I am not my thoughts”, … “I am not my feelings”. You will notice right away that if you think your thoughts…then you cannot be your thoughts…you must be something else. You will also immediately experience that “something else”…awareness…pure being…existence. And you will notice…that when you are aware of that state of pure being…you are not suffering…you are o.k. True?

   So what to do?…It’s all about attention. If you identify with the pain body then you will suffer. Identification with it gives it “life”. That’s what it wants. It wants you to live its agenda. Actually, I think it is trying, through these life situations, to solve its essential problem of “cut offness”. (Similar to the interpretation of many psychologists) However, that problem can never be solved in the egoic state – the individual ego is cut off from the conscious energy field by definition. Egoic existence offers myriads of promises of happiness, but as the Buddha observed…they instantly turn to suffering when they become loss, for example. Thus, the pain body perpetually searches…its problem can never be solved…that is, it can never be solved within the egoic state.

   Did you ever notice that the painful life experiences get so bad that you think you are “at the end of your rope”? Then they get worse. You feel…no you are quite sure…that you can’t endure any more…and then it gets worse? And then you look back and realize that you have been living in a state beyond your endurance for many years! This is actually a mystery. Quite well described in your essay about the several visits to the place on the beach… really a place in your mind. (Beautiful picture, truly.) The strange thing is…we can endure it. That sounds bad because then maybe things will get worse forever. It’s a truly bad situation, but it is a clue that something else is going on. Here’s the key…we can endure it, because it is not really us. It’s the pain body that is manifesting the suffering.

   So actually, that’s good. Isn’t it a relief? To know that it is not really you? You are life itself. There is no hurting you. You wished these things were not happening to you…well they’re not. You can step away any moment when you know that it is not you. Only if you identify with the pain body…if you think it’s you…only then do you suffer.

   When you are in the midst of an awful situation…and you are consumed by pain…if you can, at that time, remain calm and see the pain body… and be aware that it is the pain body…aware that it is not who you really are…then the pain body has no power over you…it cannot make you suffer. It feeds off of your identification with it. Because when you identify with it you feel the feelings of pain that it wants you to feel…remember…it is feeding off that vibration. So the more you vibrate with it the more “food” it has. It will feed until it is satiated and then leave for a while…but it will be back…and it will try to get you into the right vibration again by telling you those stories… through your mind…your thoughts…and then when you are really unhappy…it will be feeding.

   Now when you try to do this you are going to encounter something scary…the feeling that you don’t want to stop crying. (You may have been told that you want to feel the pain. Don’t worry; it’s not that – more below.) You will feel that you don’t want to stop crying because you should cry – it’s bad. You don’t want to stop crying because it’s not set right yet. You don’t want to stop crying until things are better…until this is made right. Well…that can be the hardest thing to face in all of this…the fear that you may really want to suffer. But what’s really happening is that the pain body doesn’t want to stop suffering, because that is how the pain body feeds…and if you stop identifying with the pain body it will no longer exist…and it has a will…it wants to exist. It will fight to exist…I know, scary, but it will be o.k.

   Psychologists have observed it. But they’ve entirely missed the point. It became fashionable at one time to tell depressed people that they “wanted to feel the pain”. Psychologists kindly explained this by saying that we are used to a state of emotional pain, and so we are afraid for things to be different. That looks true but it’s not. And that never sat well with any depressed person who was being told that they “wanted to be in pain”. We know we don’t. It’s obvious. And it’s rather aggravating and frustrating to hear from someone who is supposed to be helping us that we are in pain because we want to be. It makes you panic really. Because we know that that is not true…it’s not us. (Ah ha!)

   They meant well…but what they didn’t know was that we are not our egoic existence. They had not become aware that we are part of the conscious energy field, we are life itself. We are not the pain body. Yes…something wants the pain…it seems like us, but it’s not. It’s the pain body. So we can lay that silly “treatment strategy” to rest. No, we don’t want to be in pain. We were right all along. It’s the pain body…and that’s not us. (But did you notice how easily we can see that it’s not us. It isn’t hard. We all know it really.)

   Back to what to do…if you can remain calm…start to notice the pain body…and say…”oh, there’s the pain body”. And as you observe it remember that that is proof that you, the observer, are not the pain body. (Otherwise how could you observe it?) Experience your wholeness…go to who you really are. Your true self exists in the moment. Focus on the present moment, and live in it fully. That will give you the strength of the conscious energy field of which you are a part. Because when you are living in the egoic state, the temporal state, you cannot access the conscious energy field which is timeless.

   Now, here’s the miracle…when you no longer identify with the pain body…it ceases to exist…and all of its energy returns to you as the life force that it really is. Remember…it is a piece of life force that came to believe that it was cut off. The belief that it was cut off was an untruth all along. Truth is a light. Did you ever notice that darkness cannot dispel light? But light, when it shines, dispels darkness. When you cease to follow the thoughts that are telling you that you are cut off…and you observe the pain body with the light of awareness…it can no longer exist as a dark energy. So there’s a happy ending for the pain body. It finally gets what it wants…to return to the whole…to the life force. You can do that. You have the power.

   One last thing…don’t judge the pain body. It is a perfectly normal manifestation in this egoic world. Pain bodies are loved like everything else. If you have to think about it at all think of it as a child that doesn’t really know what it’s doing. And don’t analyze the pain body. Then you are just giving it energy again. It perpetuates its existence by telling you that there is a problem to be solved. It will make you think the problem is your life circumstance. But you know what the problem is – “cut offness” – which is not real. You and those wonderful, caring, and well meaning therapists can analyze your psyche year after year, and it will just keep leading you down one path after another. The permutations are endless, believe me. The pain body, all the while, will be happy that you are giving it so much attention…perpetuating its existence. Pay attention to your real self instead…to real life.

   Just a note on biochemistry. Everything is energy…everything is vibrating…at different frequencies…true of all matter as well. The pain body does not just have to do with you in this life. It goes back in human existence. When you come you bring a vibration…and it manifests in the world of form as you. You can bring a vibration which will actually form certain DNA sequences for certain biochemicals. Yes, the chemistry, and the biology are real. It is a physical disease just like diabetes. This is not to say that we are bad people reaping karma…well it is a culmination of experience and perception, but there’s no moral judgment about it. Some say the pain body inflicts more, and more intense pain as an individual comes closer to their true self…as it is in its death throes if you will. I do not know exactly what is going on. But the key is: it doesn’t matter. We can change it all in an instant.

   Do not think that this is a process, or something that you must learn. Everything changes in an instant…in the moment that you know you’re true self…when you are conscious in the moment. The pain body then may creep back in…you may identify with it again…but, don’t worry…just see it again…shine the light of awareness. It’s like an oscillation…part of being human. We are, after all in the temporal world. We feel like we are the mind/body complex. Otherwise I wouldn’t be typing…with fingers…on a computer. When they speak of eternity…it’s not really time forever…it’s that existence is timeless. So if you find yourself overwhelmed by the pain body, lost in your mind and in suffering, and can’t find your true self…just try in the next moment to be presently conscious…just try in the next moment to be here…it’s all now.

   Try this…hold up your hand and close your eyes. Ask yourself…how can I tell that my hand is there when I can’t see it? Can you feel the life in your hand? We can feel it. That is life. It is real, it’s not your imagination. That is you existing. Did you notice that you weren’t suffering when you did that? That is the real you. There’s no hurting you.

   Lastly, (again) I hope there is no religions dogma that makes you fear what I have written about. None of this has to do with religious belief. You will notice that you can directly observe and experience everything that I have described. That’s just it…it’s just a description of the way things seem to be. And of course it may be all wrong. But in my experience it is true. That is why I don’t hesitate to share it. I learned all of this from Eckhart Tolle and some other people. There is a lot that he says in his books that is helpful.

   It turned out I had a lot to say on this subject, but I have known what it is like to experience things that no one else came close to apprehending, and feeling that there should be some help.

2. # 2 Sarah Says:
   June 7th, 2008 at 9:09 pm

   How did this get here? It was supposed to be a response to “It’s been a year since the earhquake destroyed me”. Can you fix it?

   Sarah

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